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LAWYER

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.


What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? 
Skeet.

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea.


What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of dirt?
The bucket.





BLONDE

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? 
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. 


Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? 
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. 


Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.


Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? 
A: Because it says on the box: "good for up to 20 pounds." 


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