


                THE TEN COMMITTMENTS OF MARRIAGES


        Marriage was designed by God. Then, why do so many mariage
relationships go steadily downhill to ultimate destruction and ruin?

        I believe it is because before marriage, many couples never made in
their hearts certain foundational committments that can strengthen and
sustain marriages for this life we are called to live in. In many more cases
the couple arrive in marriage as non-Christian, and fail to adjust their
thinking AFTER they obey the gospel of Jesus Christ. We read secular and
non-secular reports that link the failure of marriages to money, sex,
children or that old-time favorite of the world - incompatibility! What most 
us fail to look at is that problems are only symptoms for the real failure.

        In a recent "ordeal" that I found I had subjected myself to in my
marriage, I found myself talking with many couples, and found that they have
not developed one or more of ten basic commitments, which I have just
recently found in my own life. I observed that the majority of these couples
were destined or were now experiencing severe difficulties that should never
need come up. Husbands and wives need to grow into these commitments as the
need for them becomes clear through the teaching of the Holy Scriptures. 

        Most couples didn't fully understand these godly concepts before they
got married. Many don't take the time to understand them, now.

        These ten commitments, which must be made in the heart -for the heart
is "the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23)-and by faith, since faith is the
only way to please God (Hebrews 11:6), are as follows:

COMMITMENT #1

To Commit your marriage and your family to the Lord Jesus Christ.

        Many marriages begin with a vow to be under the authority of God, but
then fail to follow the promises on this vow and others that the marriage vow
ask. We are to make a decision and commit our family to God in a deep and
meaningful way. "Choose ye this day whom ye will serve, but for me and my
house - we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15). Only by having Him as the
head of both husband and wife will the marriage prosper.

COMMITTMENT #2:

To grow in Christ for the Rest of My Life.

        Not every Christian has decided to "grow in the grace and knowledge
of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" (II Peter 3:18).  Instead, Christians
often think that they have already arrived or that there is "nothing wrong
with me." There is nothing wrong with a two year old acting like a two year
old, but the child should eventually grow out of that behavior. In the same
way, none of us has matured enough that our present state should be
classified "mature" we are only able to be "maturing." We must seek growth.
We must seek to grow. The result of a lifetime commitment to growth in Christ
is that we become more mature in every area of life.

        In marriage, which demands increasing maturity in character,
responsibility, and wisdom, non-growing Christians cannot make it. Their
pride will not allow them to accept the learning, correction, rebukes, and
questions that require them to humble themselves. Only an open and teachable
person can develop the characteristics needed to make a good marriage
partner.

COMMITMENT #3:

To stay committed to my marriage for life, and to work to solve all problems
that arise.

        This commitment provides the security of permanence and keeps us from
running away from problems. Either we face up to them and solve them, or we
live with them.

        Christians and Christian leaders are part of the climbing divorce
rate in our society, but God still requires faithfulness to our marriage vows
(Malachi 2:14). He declares, "I Hate Divorce" (Verse 16).

        Does this enslave me as a Christian? No! instead it give security in
the midst of a world in which "you will have trouble," as Christ stated (John
16:33). And it means living in hope that no problem is too great to be
solved.

        God is working in marriage to fulfill His own desires as well as all
married Christians. He is "seeking godly offspring" (Malachi 2:15) from our
homes, and therefore He requires faithfulness in marriage.

COMMITMENT #4:

To be faithful to my mate in both mind and action.

        Unfaithful actions can be headed off by commitment to think
romantically ONLY about the husband or wife. (Matthew 5:28).

        To decide, "My mate is the only one I will allow myself to think
about in this way" will cut off a lot of problems before they begin. The
result in marriage will be a greater level of mutual trust.

COMMITMENT #5:

To practice and allow to be practiced the "help meet" of Genesis.

        Mankind has heaped years and years of garbage upon the alter of
marriage by downgrading the role of the woman in marriage. Many women have
allowed themselves to live under these conditions in the interest of peace.
Mostly to no avail.

        God created woman to complete man, which transmits the idea that man
was lacking in some areas, and this lacking has existed since man began and
continues today. Too many men refuse to accept this gift from God for
completion and "macho" it out trying to be all capable and "support the
little lady!" Well, God, in His wisdom set a wife on the life of a husband to
allow them to be presented to Him as "One Flesh" and complete in their
TOGETHERNESS!

        This does not mean that a wife simply takes orders - it means that
SOMETIMES she is the ONLY messenger God has to get through some thick skulls
of some husbands. The wife must be able to deliver rebuke, reproof and
exhortation in accordance with the leading of the Holy Spirit; However, it is
IMPORTANT that the wife recognize that her responsibility ENDS when she
delivers the message! God has ordained that the Husband be the head of the
family - not the dictator - the HEAD "just as Christ is the head of the
church" and with the same servant manner and sacrificial attitudes of the
Lord Jesus Christ! When the husband has COMPLETELY lived up to the standards
set by God, THEN he can dictate! Until then God has seen fit to have another
person come along side and travel the road of life with him, and he had
better listen to what she says. Most of the time she can be the KEY to
success and failure to listen can result in failure.

        The wife must realize that she is commanded to obey her husband. Not
blindly, but in accordance with the Word of God. God has set up a plan for
marriage and families and the plan works to the good of those who follow the
precepts, and disaster results in straying from the plan. The wife should
OFFER her advice and admonitions in LOVE and not in confrontation.
Communicate to him in the same manner as God communicates to you, with
overwhelming Love - AGAPE love! If the husband wants to do something you
don't really care to do, and it is not against the laws of God, then God ask
that you follow your husband (I Corinthians 11:3)! If you follow his request
just as you would follow the request of Jesus Christ, then you will be
blessed in ways that you never thought possible. Trust in the Lord.

COMMITTMENT #6:

To communicate-NO MATTER WHAT!

        Most people learn not to reveal many of their thoughts and feelings
because these are personal and so easily judged by others - "You shouldn't
feel that way." This fear of judgement from others brings about an attitude
of "I'll never mentions that again."

        But just as nothing can separate us from the Love of Christ (Romans
8:35-39), so nothing should stop us from communicating in marriage; silence,
tears,explosions of anger, defiance, defensiveness, the children, or lack of
time.

        This is a commitment to communicate not just facts and
accomplishments, but feelings, thoughts, problems, and failures.  Both the
positive and the negatives in our lives need expression.

COMMITMENT #7:

To be a Servant

        God created both men and women to be servants of God, of each other,
and of their neighbors. The husband and wife are equal in dignity and worth,
and work together as "joint heirs of the grace of life" (I Peter 3:7,RSV) to
achieve common goals.

        Yet each fulfills different roles. The husband takes responsibility
as the leader in the marriage (I Corinthians 11:3), but his success begins
and ends with a servant's attitude.  A willingness to serve each other will
bring about mutual dependence and appreciation.

COMMITMENT #8:

To assume in everything that my mate's intentions are good.

        We are told not to impute evil to God (James 1:13), and in marriage
we are likewise to assume the best about our partner's intentions. Some of
our mate's actions may not seem to be good, but we must believe that the
intent was good.

        Let us give our wife/husband the benefit of the doubt. He or she may
be immature in some ways and may act out of jealousy or revenge-but even
these are cries for help. By avoiding the accusations, each of us will have
far less grounds for conflicts and hurt feelings.

COMMITTMENT #9:

To forgive and forget the transgressions of our mates.

        The hardest act for a human to do is admit to a wrong and ask
forgiveness. To be met with a list of acts of contrition that must be
followed before forgiveness is "granted" creates a schism in the very
foundation of marriage. To compound this error by "dredging up past offenses"
is a direct sin against the very Word of God when God tells us to keep "no
record of wrongs" (I Corinthians 13:5). This sin is not reserved for any
single partner - it is practiced by both. It is sin. It is to be confessed
and repented and washed from us. Then the healing of God's power will be able
to be received!

COMMITTMENT #10:

LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

        It may seem strange that I make this the last of the commitments, yet
it has been the critical facet of each of the previous nine.

        The "norm" heard in the divorce courts is "I just don't feel any love
for ..... anymore!" The world teaching that Love is a feeling. The Bible
tells us that Love is a verb - an ACTION. 
        We are not called to "feel" love, we are COMMANDED to LOVE! The Bible 
uses the word AGAPE in the original Greek text and is an "unconditional" love
that says "no matter what, I will keep your best interests in mind" and is
the same love that we are commanded to have of our enemies. In this way we
are commanded to love our spouse, and sometimes we must love them in spite of 
our "feelings" and "please God and not man (ourselves)"(Acts 4:19). We must 
commit all the other nine committments in our heart and attach this tenth one 
to every one of the other nine. Only by His power can we join the Lord when He 
told us to "be of good cheer for I have overcome the world" and we need so 
much to be overcomers. Allow the world and our own families see the Rock that 
our lives CAN be founded on. Let us enjoy the life "and life more abundantly" 
byfollowing the plan that God laid out for us in His Word, The plan that many
times counters our own plan because it requires the Lordship of Jesus Christ
and not ourselves. It requires that a husband Serve his wife! It requires
that we ALL have the servant nature that sees us washing feet in the
spiritual manner that Jesus provided such a physical example of. Let us each
ask our spouse the simple question that can very well blow our present "ship"
out of the water of the world and settle us on a Rock, the Rock of Jesus
Christ. That question is "What are your REAL needs and how do you think I
could be more able to supply them?"
