By: Ron Penna


Prefix to General Vipor's "How to travel the wastelands on $2 a day."

The wastelands,

  One thing to be said about the wasteland, there sure is a lot of it
out there.
  The wasteland isn't like you or me. The wasteland plays by its own
rules and either you go along with those rules or the wasteland gets
ticked. And when the wasteland gets ticked, it picks up its ball and
goes home! So, what do you do with the wasteland? Well, in the
technological greatness of the future, you do have choices. You can take
part in taxing battles of intellectual prowess combined with brute
strength against a myriad of creatures and humanoid life forms. Or, you
can boldly forge new trails of exploration by traveling through
previously unexplored territory.
  Or, you can get lost.
  Me?
  I'm lost.
  I'm not just any lost either. I'm one of those good solid "God I'm
doomed" type of losts. This is a lost you can be proud of!

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Chapter 1 (of 1 <g>): The [short] Introduction

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  The ghostly mist flowed across the wasteland as the sun began to peek
over the distant horizon. I had just awoken from my less than perfect
night of sleep when the thought that hits every vastly experienced
recruit who rules the wasteland and whom monsters cower at their feet
gets as they wake up....
  "Where the hell are my rations?" I grumbled, tossing the contents of
my pack in every conceivable direction. I had forgotten of my actions
the previous night where I had "generously donated" my only set of
rations to a LerumNod in exchange for my well being. Oh well, they all
tasted like chocolate chili anyway, I hope it chokes on em.
  I leaned up against a nearby rock. There's no way I'm getting through
these things, I thought, they're totally impassable. About 50 feet away
from me, I spotted something strange. Upon further review, (the play
stands!) [sorry, couldn't resist] I found the projection to be something
rather weird. It was a single wing from a certain bird, embedded in the
rock!
  "How did a Hawk get into Impassable rock?" I thought aloud. Oh well,
they're just dumb animals. [:>]
   So, I redirected my attention to the question that was now passing
through my somewhat miniscule mind.
  "Why am I here??"
  I suppose in a metaphysical sense this is the question lodged deep
within everyone's soul; The ultimate query! In some strange way, I guess
I represent all souls adrift upon the void of existence without knowing
why, even in the technical complexity of the future, the quest for an
answer is still a personal one.
  As I reflected on this statement and tried to grasp what it meant and
where in god's name I came up with that thing, I pondered the exact
purpose of my being stuck in the wasteland. I'm constantly locked in a
physical and emotional struggle with an uncontrollable opposing force,
with whom I'm fighting a losing battle. I gain nothing, but lose
everything, and I can never finish this neverending fight. My
counterpart has total control over me, and I can't do anything about it.
Then, it hit me..

  "Oh my god, I'm MARRIED to the wastelands."

  Yes, a scary thought, but not so terrifying as the extremely accurate
analogy. Fear and anxiety gripped me as I began to understand the harsh
reality. A wave of panic came over me..
   "Why am I here? What can I do? How am I supposed to know it's our 5th
anniver" ...no wait, wrong story..
  My mind raced as I struggled to come up to a conclusion.
   "..got to escape this hell..got to get out..Wait! I have it! I have
finally discovered a way OUT of my dilemma!"

...

  I plopped down onto my stool, I was now safe from the hell I'd been a
slave to. Ahh, it was almost music to my ears as I heard the words I'd
come to know and love...

  "Wothja leek?"

From New York: at (1:260/282)

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