
"As the Hard Drive Turns, Pt 4"
The continuing saga of a SysOp's existence
By Rob Novak

This episode:  "Chat Mode"

It's 2:00 am, and I'm slowly drifting into and out of a sleep state.
It's been a really long day, and my mind isn't particularly ready to
give up control of the body yet.  So, I listen to the steady drone of
the power-supply fan on the BBS machine and wander in and out of
consciousness.

(In case you were wondering, I do not sleep WITH my computer.  I'm
not that bad yet.  It is, however, in the bedroom about 5 feet from
my head.)

Everything is slowing down and getting fuzzier.  It seems that my
brain is finally going to give up and settle down for some shut-eye.
Consciousness ebbs, giving way to real slumber.

The computer begins making a hellacious racket.

My body, especially the ears, has enough smarts on its own to decide
it doesn't want the brain to catch wind of this new development.  The
eardrums are now shuffling their membranes (for lack of feet) and
saying "What noise?"

The noise stops.

The body relaxes again, thankful that the brain didn't engage and
force it to do something rash, like try to become vertical.  It
begins to languish in the hazy sensations of slumber.

The computer starts making noise again.  This time the ears were
asleep on the job and let the noise past into the brain.  Synapses
fire, and the brain sputters into life.  "Oh, hell," the body
grumbles to itself as it's forced upright into a sitting position.

I regain consciousness and fumble blindly for my glasses.  I find
them on the floor underneath the pile of Discover, Mondo-2000, Stereo
Review, and PC-Computing magazines.  I put them on, almost removing
an eyeball in the process with one of the ear-pieces.  The computer
is still making noise.  Somehow, the BBS has barfed and let someone
use the PAGE key after it should have been turned off.

"Damn system," I mutter.  "Might as well see who it is.  I'm up
anyway."  I stumble over to the desk chair and sit down, punching the
power switch for the monitor.  The tube warms up and the BBS "snoop"
screen fades into view.  The user online has given his real name as
"Joe Blow" with an alias of "SeX Masheen".  Bad start.  I punch the
chat key and drop into Chat Mode.

---------Transcript follows-----------
SysOp warping in to Chat:

Me: Who are you and what do you want at 2:13am?
SeX Masheen: hey man, i wuz wundering if you had any more gamez
             around here that i can play.  i'm bored with this system
	     already. 
Me: You paged me at 2 am, woke me up, and dragged me out of bed for
    that?
SM: what did i disturb yer beuty rest or somethin?  yew gotta get up
    early fer school in the morning?
Me: No, I have to go to work in the morning to make money to pay my 
    taxes to pay for your education.  At this moment, I feel the urge
    to resign from current and future employment.  You should be
    proud. 
SM: wazzat mean man?  you tryin to inslut me or something coz ill
    come over their and kick your but right now
Me: How old are you anyway?
SM: im 19 and i can proove it too
Me: <clears screen>  What?  HOW old are you?
SM: i told you im 21.
Me: <looking at new user questionaire and seeing birthdate 4/01/66>
    But your answers to the questionaire say you're 27.
SM: oh yeah i forgot.  thats right im 27.
Me: You're 13 or 14, aren't you?
SM: no im not.  ill kick yer fag but right now i know where you live
    since i can break into the goverment computers.
Me: You're 12, maybe?
SM: [slowly] yeah ok
Me: What's your real name?
SM: tom schlitz.
Me: And your phone number for voice validation?
SM: 5551855
Me: Now, Tom.... I'll be calling tomorrow to validate you.  In the
    meantime, don't jerk me around or you won't live to learn to
    drive. 
[hit "disconnect" key and kick little Tommy off.]
[Turn off chat permanently]
[Grab phone book, look up "Schlitz", find phone number, copy address]
[Fire up word processor, write letter to FBI regarding mysterious
vehicles carrying men with lumpy jackets and large briefcases
arriving at stange hours at the Schlitz address. Print and mail.]
-----------End Transcript------------
I flick off the monitor with a smug flourish, crawl back into bed,
and quickly fall into a deep sleep filled with wonderful visions of
fast modems and large hard drives.  All in a day's work for a
SysOp....                                                       {RAH}
--------------
Rob is the SysOp of Outside the Wall BBS in Baltimore, MD
(410)665-1855.  UUCP:rob.novak@f1093.n261.z1.fidonet.org
Fidonet: 1:261/1093  If you enjoy Rob's semi-regular articles in RAH,
you should probably end it all right now because you're not going to
get any better. 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
  Q: What do you get when you cross Lee Iacocca with Dracula?

  A: AUTOEXEC.BAT

