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     Canonical List of Humorous English Mis-translations 
 
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 In a Tokyo Hotel: 
 
      "Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.  If you are not a 
 
      person to do such thing is please not to read notis." 
 
 
 
 In a Bucharest hotel lobby: 
 
      "The lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time 
 
      we regret that you will be unbearable." 
 
 
 
 In a Leipzig elevator: 
 
      "Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up." 
 
 
 
 In Akbo, Israel: 
 
      "Lamp Chops" 
 
 
 
 In a Belgrade hotel elevator: 
 
      "To more the cabin, push button for wishing floor.  If the 
 
      cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a 
 
      number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically 
 
      by national order." 
 
 
 
 In a Paris hotel elevator: 
 
                                                                             "Please leave your values at the front desk." 
 
 
 
 In a hotel in Athens: 
 
      "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the 
 
      hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily." 
 
 
 
 In a Yugoslavian hotel: 
 
      "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the fob of the 
 
      chambermaid." 
 
 
 
 In a Japanese hotel: 
 
      "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." 
 
 
 
 In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox 
 
 monastery: 
 
      "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian 
 
      and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily 
 
      except Thursday." 
 
 
 
 In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: 
 
      "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in 
 
      the boots of ascension." 
 
 
 
 On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: 
 
      "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for." 
 
 
 
 On the menu of a Polish hotel: 
 
      "Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy 
 
      dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; 
 
      beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion." 
 
 
 
 Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: 

      "Ladies may have a fit upstairs." 
 
 
 
 In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: 
 
      "Drop your trousers here for best results." 
 
 
 
 Outside a Paris dress shop: 
 
      "Dresses for street walking." 
 
 
 
 In a Rhodes tailor shop: 
 
      "Order your summers suit.  Because is big rush we will execute 
 
      customers in strict rotation." 
 
 
 Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: 
 
      "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet 
 
      Republic painters and sculptors.  These were executed over the 
 
      past two years." 
 
 
 A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: 
 
      "It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site 
 
      that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, 
 
      live together in one tent unless they are married with each 
 
      other for that purpose." 
 
 
 
 In a Zurich hotel: 
 
      "Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the 
 
      opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be 
 
      used for this purpose." 
 
 
 
 In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: 
 
      "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists." 
 
 
 
 In a Rome laundry: 
 
       "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon 
 
      having a good time." 
 
 
 
 In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: 
 
      "Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no 
 
      miscarriages." 
 
 
 
 Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: 
 
      "Would you like to ride on your own ass?" 
 
 
 
 In a Bangkok temple: 
 
      "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner  
      if dressed as a man." 
 
 
 
 In a Tokyo bar: 
 
      "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts." 
 
 
 
 In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: 
 
      "We take your bags and send them in all directions." 
 
 
 
 On the door of a Moscow hotel room: 
 
      "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to 
 
      it." 
 
 
 
 In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: 
 
      "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar." 
 
 
 
 In a Budapest zoo: 
 
      "Please do not feed the animals.  If you have any suitable 
 
      food, give it to the guard on duty." 
 
 
 
 In the office of a Roman doctor: 
 
      "Specialist in women and other diseases." 
 
 
 
 In an Acapulco hotel: 
 
      "The manager has personally passed all the water served here." 
 
 
 
 In a Tokyo shop: 
 
      "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are 
 
      best in the long run." 
 
 
 
 From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air  conditioner: 
 
      "Cooles and Heates:  If you want just condition of warm in 
 
      your room, please control yourself." 
 
 Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: 
 
      "- English well talking." 
 
      "- Here speeching American." 
 
 
 
 From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: 
 
      "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. 
 
      Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles 
 
      your passage then tootle him with vigor." 
 
 
 
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