   Originally From Usenet
   via Exec PC Programming "C" Language Conference message

   ---------------------------------------------------------------------

   Original version by:

                      David Salomon & David Rosenbluth
          Dept. of Computer Science, University of Waterloo
                Waterloo Ontario, Canada  N2L 3G1


   This "updated" version (1.2) submitted by: Joe Smolinski (C programmer)

   -----------------------------------------------------------------------




             Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy


     With such a large selection of programming languages, it can be
     difficult to choose one for a particular project.  Reading the
     manuals to evaluate the language is a time consuming process.
     On the other hand, most people already have a fairly good idea
     of how various cars compare.  So in order to assist those
     trying to choose a language, we have prepared a chart that
     matches programming languages with comparable vehicles.



  Smalltalk    - A vintage Rolls-Royce complete with chauffer. You just
                 sit in the back, play with Lego blocks, and think about
                 the big picture. Unfortunately, sometimes the driver
                 has his own ideas about where to go and how to get
                 there and will ignore attempts at backseat driving.
                 Unseemly back alleys and hill climbing are definately
                 out. Still, many like the thick padding and after using
                 the champagne dispensor a while come to regard it as
                 the only way to travel.

  Ada          - A heavy armor plated army-green Mercedes Benz staff
                 car with little flags on the front fenders. Power
                 steering, power brakes, and automatic transmission
                 are all standard.  No other colors or options are
                 available.  If it's good enough for the Generals,
                 it's good enough for you.  Manufacturing delays are
                 due to difficulties reading the design specifications.
                 The basic theme being: "If some is good, more is better".
                 If toilet seats can be built for $600, think what
                 that can do for programming languages.

  ALGOL 60     - An Austin Mini.  Boy, that's a small car!

  APL          - A double decker bus.  It takes rows and columns of
                 passengers to the same place all at the same time.
                 But, it only drives in reverse gear, and is
                 instrumented in Greek.

  Assembler    - A combination Panzer tank and Formula I race car.
                 Very fast, can go over or through most anything, but
                 difficult to drive and expensive to maintain. Also,
                 there is a button for every aspect of operation which
                 must be manually manipulated each tiny step of the way,
                 and pushing the wrong register can unleash awesome
                 firepower and destruction on a hapless system faster
                 than you can say, "Oops aw sh_t". It's possible to
                 construct macros and keep these handy in the glove
                 compartment along with manuals and maps, which ease
                 the driving process somewhat, but this car is
                 definately not for the timid or uninitiated. Expert
                 drivers only with a tough backside, as the ride can
                 get pretty rough at times. Of course the rewards are
                 also great.

  AWK          - The worlds most stylishly deluxe riding lawn mower.
                 It looks and feels like a tiny Firebird or Z-28
                 Camero. Loaded with special features for mowing
                 through tall text weeds and brush. Triple blades,
                 built in hedge trimmers, edgers, fertilizer spreaders,
                 everything adjustable. Some of them are capable of
                 short bursts of speed up to 20 mph but the fact remains
                 that this is a special purpose vehicle, the 10 hp
                 Briggs and Stratton engine,  belt drive and solid
                 rubber lawn mower tires are just not capable
                 of cross country trips on the open road, but just
                 great for those little mundane text tidying chores
                 around the house or a jaunt around the block to the
                 neighbors' lawn. Don't plan on driving outside the
                 residential section.

  TINY BASIC   - A 26" Schwin bicycle, belt driven by a lawn mower engine
                 with the governer removed.

  BASIC        - A rusty Dodge Dart with 234,000 miles and patched
                 upholstery. Your Dad bought it for you to learn to drive.
                 You'll ditch the car as soon as you can afford a new one.
                 You are embarrassed when you realize you've been been
                 saying that for years now.

  VISUAL BASIC - A rusty Dodge dart with a rebuilt engine that
                 you operate by a system of strings and levers from a
                 hot air balloon, tethered and floating overhead.

  C            - A sleek black Firebird, the all-macho car. Comes with
                 optional fuzz buster (inline assembler) and other agent
                 007 exciting spy thriller gadgetry widely available (in
                 add on libraries). Thrill to the throaty roar of smooth
                 power and burn rubber in all four gears. Just be careful
                 not to let it get away from you. Not perfectly ideal for
                 the really big continent spanning endeavor (cruise control
                 would have been nice), but hey, nothing's perfect. Driving
                 it is such a robust experiance that you usually don't mind
                 having to keep your foot on the gas and it's nice to feel
                 the road under you a little. Smooth ride, but power and
                 control are there if you need it.

  C++          - The above black Firebird converted to a stretch limo and
                 repainted in pastels with images of smiling cartoon
                 characters. Full body harness passive restraint seat belts,
                 airbags, roll bars and pollution controls are now mandantory.
                 You suspect the big V8 has been replaced with a 4 cylinder
                 but it's hard to tell as you can't see it for being buried
                 under all the environmental controls and safety devices.
                 (Gee, and all I asked for was cruise control!)

  VISUAL C++   - A stretch limo that looks like it might have been made out
                 of a firebird filled with crash dummies held in their seats
                 by full body passive restraints that you operate by radio
                 control from a helicopter flying overhead.

  COBOL        - An open air delivery van. It's bulky and ugly, but it's
                 been doing the work for businesses for decades. Managers
                 just keep deciding to add to the existing huge fleets of
                 these dinosaur code monstrosities since they figure, well,
                 we already have all this _existing_ investment. So what
                 that the driver is exposed to the weather, bone jarring
                 stiff suspension, and steering wheel that takes Hercules to
                 turn? As long as programmers remain willing to put up with
                 it, they'll keep them. And, surprisingly, they still do.

  FORTRAN II   - A Model T Ford.  Once it was king of the road.

  FORTRAN IV   - A Model A Ford.

  FORTRAN 77   - A six cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard
                 transmission, no seat belts, no heater or windshield
                 wipers. It does have paper card reader and buggy whip
                 recepticles installed just in case you need them.
                 On icy and foggy days, you have to drive with a wiping
                 cloth in one hand, and stop every few miles to scrape
                 the ice off the windshield with your fingernails.

  FORTRAN 86   - A six cylinder Ford Fairlane with a Space-age Loran
                 Satellite ranging and tracking system as well as other
                 structural moderizations. The buggy whip holder has been
                 chrome plated. On cold days, you have to stop every few
                 miles to scrape the ice off the windshield with the
                 complimentory plastic ice scraper included in the
                 glove compartment.

  PL/I         - A pink Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a
                 two tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes,
                 and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield. Unfortunately, it
                 only runs on high octane leaded fuel, however, some rare
                 diesel versions are rumored to exist in the hands of
                 discriminating collectors.

  Pascal       - A Volkswagen Beetle. It's small, cheap, but sturdy enough.
                 Was once popular with intellectuals. Most people soup
                 it up and bolt on all kinds of accessories to try to
                 make it look like a Firebird or Rolls Royce, but you're
                 finally forced to admit it's really still just a
                 Volkswagon Beetle underneath.

  Modula II    - A Souped-Up Volkswagen Rabbit Fastback with racing stripes
                 and a trailer hitch. The trailor is full of neat stuff you
                 can bolt on to make it look just like a Firebird. Actually
                 some people suggest they're not too bad for long trips. Of
                 course, Firebird enthusists dismiss such nonsense on the
                 basis that such people are probably ex-Volkwagon Beetle
                 users.

  ALGOL 6      - An Aston Martin.  Impressive car, but not just
                 anyone can drive it. If you like to listen to Mozart
                 backwards while idly transcribing the works of Shelley
                 into hobbit script, ALGOL 6 could be for you. It sort
                 of makes that powerful intense statement of concentrated
                 poetic meaning, the result of hours of contemplation.
                 ALGOL says you value eloquence above all else. You're
                 not just driving to get somewhere, you're creating fine
                 art and the road is your canvas, not to be wasted.

  LISP         - An electric car.  It's simple, slow and has limitted
                 range. Nice for short jaunts around the neighborhood
                 AutoCAD Application and back. Seat belts are not
                 included, generally.

  PROLOG       - Prototype futuristic concept-cars. Mostly radically sculpted
                 clay models spray painted in fancy iradescent metallic
                 colors. Most people didn't care much for the 2 inch ground
                 clearance and lack of a steering wheel. Borland actually
                 attempted to produce a practical version with a real
                 turbocharged engine and metal body which was quickly booed
                 down by purists who insisted that a true declarative
                 language PROLOG vehicle must be implemented without
                 resorting to an underlying procedural engine.. somehow.

  LUCID        - Sculpted wood version of PROLOG concept vehicle that has
                 not achieved anything near PROLOG's popularity and
                 success.

  RPG          - A Toyota Fork Truck - quite utilitarian and can be driven
                 by just about anyone with some degree of success.  Double
                 curved spine NOT required.

  Forth        - A go cart. You slap them together easily with nothing
                 more than a hammer and airplane glue. Great fun. Make
                 them up as you go along. No two are ever alike and just
                 hope you never have to take one apart for maintenance.

  LOGO         - A kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce.  Comes with a
                 real engine and a working horn. Beep beep.

  XBASE        - A bookmobile.

  Paradox AL   - An ice cream truck.

  SQL          - An ice cream truck with radio dispatch.

  Lotus Macros - Gas powered roller skates you wear to propel you to
                 and from the Amtrak mass transit boarding platform.

  Simula       - A coin op arcade game with a seat, pedals and a
                 steering wheel called "Speed Racer"

  KAREL        - An industrial robot mounted on a electrically powered
                 wheeled platform that you sit behind and control by
                 pushing buttons on a hand held a teach-pendant.

