                        I STILL DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND
                        
                         -=| by Thomas Burker Sr. |=-


  First of all, I have no degrees in medicine, nutrition or anything
else that qualifies me to write this article.  What I do have is a long
track record of weight gain and loss; you know, real life situations.  
This seems to be what people enjoy reading about.  I know that I do!
  
  I have been struggling with weight for years, and when I say years,  
I do mean years.  As I remember, it all started when I packed up and went 
off to college.  I left for college in fair shape, so what happened?
Those four years started an unfortunate trend that to this day provides 
me with constant physical and psychological challenge.

  I think the hardest part of fighting a weight problem is the constant 
abuse that you take; not from other people, but from yourself.  If someone
were to ask me what the single most difficult factor of being overweight
is, I would have to say guilt!  I wish I would have worked as hard during
those four years in college on my academics as I did in gaining weight.

  When I left high school, I was a strapping lad of 165 pounds.  Keep in
mind now that for my height of 5' 10" and frame size, the current charts
tell me that I should weigh 170, so that 165 was fairly ideal.  In the
beginning of my fourth year of school, I was tipping the scale at 228. I
was in shock; how could this have happened?  I tried to convince myself
that I wasn't too heavy, just too short. (Pause to smile).  If I were just
7' 8" I would be the perfect weight.  Sitting in the dorm and munching on
chips and pretzels took its toll.  The stress of studying was the only
exercise I was getting.  I guess the morning ritual of grilled pecan rolls 
drenched in butter probably didn't help.

  What little clothing I had didn't fit. I had to ask other people if my 
shoes matched, and I couldn't really tell whether I had a belt on or not.  
If I didn't see it around the dorm, I figured I had it on.  Other people 
were not saying anything, but they really didn't have to.  You can tell 
what they were thinking; "What happened to this guy?"  I kind of chuckle
about this now, but it wasn't at all funny then.

  So here I am, 46 years old.  I have been out of school now for twenty
some years and have managed to knock off 32 pounds, but guess what? At 
196 pounds, I am still considered more than mildly overweight.  I am 
happy to say that my cholesterol and blood pressure have come down; two
side effects that usually tag along with a weight problem, but I still
have to watch this on a daily basis.

I have read many books about what is supposed to cause over-eating and 
have even believed <some> of what they said.  I have tried every diet
known to man, most of which were nutritionally dangerous.  I let other
people measure and weigh my food for me and even paid them to do it!  I
studied thin people for years.  What was it about them that allowed them
to eat what seemed to be anything?  Sure, metabolism and gene pools always 
have something to do with it, but here is what I found was pretty much the 
same about all of them.

 Thin people eat only when they are hungry and pay no real attention to 
  the clock.
 Thin people don't necessarily finish what is on their plate every meal.
 Thin people usually exemplify the "eat to live", not "live to eat" theory.

  I compared these traits to myself.  Let's see, I always look at the clock 
and sometimes convince myself that I am hungry because it is noon.  I often
eat when I am not hungry and I always finish what is on my plate. Heck, that 
is the way I was brought up at home!  OK, I have to quit using that as an 
excuse.  And as far as living to eat?  Yep, that's what I do.  When you are 
eating breakfast and are already thinking about what you are going to have 
for dinner, you know there is a problem there.

  So, what's the answer?  I still don't quite understand it, but I have
come to some concrete conclusions.

 There ARE physical as well as psychological reasons for an uncontrolled
  appetite.  There are still days that I over-eat and I have absolutely no
  idea why I do it.  It's almost like a blackout!  It's over before I know
  what happened.  I do know that this stems from trigger foods.  We all
  have them and the hard part is learning to deal with them.
 There will always be days when you stumble.  You CANNOT look at these as
  failures; just temporary delays.  If you convince yourself that you have
  failed, the result will be more over-eating and more self abuse. 
 Never, ever quit trying.  I still use a computer program that monitors  
  my caloric intake so I can always see the days where I stumble.  I was
  simply NOT entering the bad days, but who is that kidding?  Only me. If
  I stumble, I just do better the next day.  I even run a BBS that devotes
  almost 75% effort to Health, Nutrition, Exercise and support for the
  disabled.  You would think that exposing myself to that much discussion
  of good health would make my mission easy; it doesn't.
 Like yourself!  You've heard it before; if you don't like you, nobody
  else will.

I made a very serious decision on October 5, 1994 (my birthday) to adopt
a lacto-vegetarian lifestyle.  As of this writing, I have stuck to it 
without a hitch.  I have never felt so good!  Maybe this is just another
attempt at better self dicipline...I don't know, but if it works, it works.
