Archive-name: misc-kids/breastfeeding/toddlers
Posting-Frequency: monthly
Last-Modified: October 17, 1994
Version: 1.2

Misc.kids Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
BREASTFEEDING PAST THE FIRST YEAR
 
======================================================================
Collection maintained by: Kim Smith <kfs@world.std.com>
Last updated: 10-17-94
 
To contribute to this collection, please send e-mail to the address 
given
above, and ask me to add your comments to the FAQ file on 
"Breastfeeding Past
the First Year."  Please try to be as concise as possible, as these 
FAQ files
tend to be quite long as it is.  And, unless otherwise requested, your 
name
and e-mail address will remain in the file, so that interested readers 
may
follow-up directly for more information/discussion.
 
For a list of other FAQ topics, check out misc.kids.info or 
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======================================================================
=
Dear misc.kidders:
 
Pam Wilson compiled this wonderful compendium of advice on nursing
(and eventually weaning) our toddlers from responses received to a
query Pam posted on misc.kids in late August, 1993, when her son
(Nolan Timothy Wilson Smith) had his first birthday.  The responses
were so eloquent that, out of respect for the integrity of their
original context, it was decided not to edit them into a summary.
Rather, they were separated them into a survey questionnaire format. I
really recommend this reading to anyone thinking about long-term
nursing, although it will also be helpful to those of you who are
still in your first year.
 
Several people recommended the book, "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" 
by
Norma Jane Bumgarner, and many recommended La Leche League for support 
and
encouragement.
 
The original questions are listed below, followed by responses grouped 
by
question.
 
Also appended are (1) a summary compiled by Laura Dolson
<dolson@crl.ucsd.edu> which deals with issues of long-term 
breastfeeding; (2)
additional questions compiled by Elizabeth Gene 
<eliz@bae.bellcore.com> on
tandem nursing and code words used in public; and (3) a compilation by
Marilyn Walker <mwalker@taimyr.colorado.edu> on pumping past the first 
year
and "olympic freestyle" nursers.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
######################################################################
##
 
QUESTIONS
 
A. How long did you (or do you plan to) breastfeed your child?
 
B. After the first year, how frequently did you nurse? Were you on a
     regular schedule, or not?
 
C. After the first year, did you nurse on demand, whenever the child
     requested, or only when you wanted to?
 
D. When did you stop, and why?  Was it your initiative, or the 
child's?
     -If the child inititiated cutting back, how did this happen?
     -If you initiated weaning, how did you satisfy the child's
          emotional needs?
 
E. About breastfeeding moms: When did your period return? How long
     were you able to go without feeding (eg on a trip away from
     the baby) without problems?
 
F. In what ways do you feel that you and/or your child have benefitted
     from long-term breastfeeding? Why would you encourage someone to
     continue past the first year?
 
G. How has breastfeeding affected you (the mother) physically?
     (eg, side effects, weight gain or loss, increased or decreased
     appetite, energy level, sex drive, etc.)
 
H. Anything else I left out?
 
######################################################################
###
 
RESPONSES
 
**********************************************************************
****
A. How long did you (or do you plan to) breastfeed your child?
**********************************************************************
****
 
1. (K. Dalley) I fed 2 children for 1 year, and two children for 2 1/2 
- 3 
years. :-)
 
2. Heather Madrone <madrone@cruzio.santa-cruz.ca.us>: I nursed
Morganne until she was 3.5.  I plan on nursing Matisse as long as it
works for both of us (she's 9 months old).
 
3. Diane Lin <dlin@weber.ucsd.edu>: I breastfed Dylan until he was 
16.5
months old.
 
4. Child # 1 - 24 months; Child # 2 - 14 months; Child # 3 -18 months.
 
5. Tini <tini@iss.nus.sg>: My daughter is 22 months and she's still
breastfed, so I can't help with the weaning stuff. I'm planning to let
her nurse as long as she wants, although I'd like her to wean soon or
maybe down to one feed a day. I'm thinking of having another baby,
tandem nursing may be too draining, although I'd do it.
 
6. Karen Plomp <karen@ankh-morpork.hacktic.nl>: Cees is now 21mo and
still nursing. I plan to continue until he doesn't need it any longer
or until I don't like it anymore, whatever comes first (I try to go
for a child led weaning).
 
7. Anita Lees <leesa@cps.msu.edu>: Still breastfeeding Morgan at
nearly 4, and Dylan at 17 mos. I am working on getting Morgan to wean
near her birthday.  I am not actively trying to wean Dylan, but would
not be upset if he weans himself at the same time. I had only planned
to breastfeed for the first year before Morgan was born, but she is an
extreme high need child, and has stuck out 3 years of "don't offer,
don't refuse", as well as lots of not-so-subtle pressure from Dad and
relatives.
 
9. Paula B.: My son weaned himself at the age of 2 1/4 years. I
restricted breastfeeding to a specific location, but did not refuse
him when he asked. I was surprised (and pleased, and sad) when he
decided on his own that he didn't need it any more, after seeming
positively addicted to the breast until a couple of weeks before.

10. Gail Abbott <gail_abbott@csufresno.edu>: We have a 2.5 yr old (3
in Nov) who is still nursing, although we are starting to discuss
termination.  Because of some thyroid problems, the milk supply is
dwindling, but we've struggle with lots of "attitude" out there, and I
wanted to share our thoughts and beliefs.
 
11. Carolyn Olive <co2@prism.gatech.edu>: I nursed my older son until
he turned 4.  I felt he was just too old for it and I was no longer
comfortable with it after about age 3.5.  We cut back to 2 a day at
age 3.5, then to once a day.  I let him pick the time of day.  We
spoke about it for a while before his 4th birthday and he knew he
would stop on his birthday. (actually we were on vacation and he
forgot to ask until we got hoem.  I felt bad about cutting him off
like that so we had one last nursing about a month later).  From the
time he turned one I did not allow public nursing.  He was very verbal
and unederstood explanations so this was not a big problem. ...He was
18 months when my second son was conceived and 28 months when he was
born.  The younger one is 2.5 and still nursing several times a day.
I am much looser about public nursings now.
 
12. Mary J. Cole <mjcole@er.arco.com>: My daughter is 17 months old
and still nursing 3-5 times/day (morning, noon, after work, before
bed, 2am). ... I originally planned to stop at 1yr.  Now I plan to
stop at some mutually agreeable time in the future.
 
13. Audrey Ishizaki <aud@ncd.com>: My son will be 2 in about a week
(how time flies!).  He still likes to breastfeed two or three times a
day: when he wakes up, when he goes to sleep and sometimes before nap
(on weekends) or after daycare (on weekdays).
 
14. Ellen Copley <copleyd@acousb.byu.edu>: I'm in the same situation
you are.  Emily just turned 1 on the 14th of August.  I'm getting
hints from relatives and friends that this has gone on long enough,
but I don't agree.
 
15. Marian Nodine <mhn@cs.brown.edu>: Tim for 2 years 3 months, Anna
for 2 years 1 month.
 
16. Sue Willis <willis@sscvx1.ssc.gov>: Leo has been nursing for 3.75
years now! He's down to occasional nighttime nursing (and sometimes in
the morning if he wakes up before I get up).
 
17. Suzanne Jacobs <sj@palm.com>: My #1 nursed 'til 18.5 months.  #2
is now 18 months and still nurses, but just once-a-day (first thing in
the morning).  With both kids, I let them decide when and how much to
nurse (or not nurse).
 
18. Cindy Carpenter <ccarpent@bbn.com>: She's 26 months old now and I
don't know when we'll stop entirely. Probably in the next year, but
who knows?  When she was born I planned to nurse until she was about
15 months.  Since then I've learned not to try to plan too strictly
;-).
 
19. Janice Smith <jsmith@cyote.dasd.honeywell.com>: Kenneth is 14
months and is still nursing.  We will probably stop in the next month
since he is rapidly losing interest.
 
20. Pam Wilson <pswilson@macc.wisc.edu>: My plan is to keep up the
breastfeeding as long as he wants, but I have no clue what that means.
I had no idea I would be breastfeeding this long (12 months). I didn't
go into this with strong opinions about what I should or should not
do--I've pretty much played it by ear, and let my child's needs direct
my parenting decisions.  Many, many people have indicated that it
would be "appropriate" to wean him now, but that doesn't feel right to
me. When I mention to anyone that I'm still breastfeeding, they
usually react with "Still? Why?" and tell me how their child weaned
herself at an early age, implying that I'm doing something that's not
exactly right. The feedback from other misc.kidders about this has
been a tremendous source of support.
 
21. Laura Dolson <dolson@crl.ucsd.edu>: 27 months.
 
22. Judith Hochberg <judithh@c3serve.c3.lanl.gov>: I nursed both my
children for approx. 2 years each (24 mo.), and plan to do the same
with my third, due any day now.
 
**********************************************************************
****
B. After the first year, how frequently did you nurse? Were you on a
     regular schedule, or not?
**********************************************************************
****
 
1. We fed as wanted, really. Most of the time, it wasn't a problem.
Sometimes, in the year between 1 and 2, they were pretty needy, but I 
was
always glad to be nursing. It was a wonderful comforter, and it made 
the
trials, tantrums, fears etc. much easier to cope with and get over.
 
2. Morganne was pretty irregular from day to day, but it caused no
problems.  She always nursed before bed, first thing in the morning
and at least once at night.  She also would nurse 2 - 6 times during
the day.
 
3. He had cut down to about 2-3 nursings by 1 year, and the nursing
sessions were fairly predictable, though I would hesitate to claim we
were on a schedule.
 
3. Still nursed on demand.
 
4. With all children, I nursed on demand, frequently. After the first
year, I nursed someone pretty much any time I sat down.
 
5. She is breastfed twice or 3 times a day; in the morning, in early 
evening
and just before she sleeps (I work full time on weekdays). On weekends 
she'd
ask to nurse after lunch and skip the early evening nursing. I make a 
point
to stop her nursing just before she sleeps so she can fall asleep on 
her own.
I think it may be easier to wean when they're older because you can 
explain
to her that adults don't nurse :).
     I'm slowly trying to get her down to two feeds. She usually asks 
to
nurse ("mama" pointing to my chest). Sometimes when she asks, I offer 
her
water/juice or food before nursing. Sometimes she's content to wait. 
Other
times she forgets the request. I satisfy her emotional needs by 
carrying her
and playing with her. Usually, when she's tired or cranky, she'd want 
me to
carry her for a while before asking to nurse. Nowadays, she doesn't 
ask to
nurse while we're out. If she did, usually, I'd say wait till we get 
home.
 
6. I think we nursed about 5 or 6 times when he was one year old. Not 
really
regular but at least one night time feeding, then he wanted to nurse 
when he
awakened in the morning and he nursed when he went down to nap and 
when he
went to sleep in the evening. When he became older we lost the night 
time
feeding (at last!), and because I was pregnant I restricted the 
nursings to
when he awakened and when he went to sleep.
     Now his little baby brother is born 8 days ago and we are still
searching for a new routine. Cees would like to nurse all day, but I 
don't
want to let him nurse so much. So now some days he is nursing 4 or 5 
times
instead of the 2 times we were doing before the new arrival. I don't 
know
yet how things will be going during the coming weeks.
 
7. Not at all regular.  After the introduction of solids, I have only 
nursed
on demand, combined with offering the breast for comfort until about 1 
year.
After that, I do not ever offer.  I have gone as long as 8 hours 
without any
requests from the 17 m.o., and as long as 4 days for the big sister.
 
9. We were on a pretty regular schedule: getting up, lunchtime, coming 
home
from work, and bedtime. At twelve months we gave up all lunchtime 
nursings,
at thirteen all bedtime nursings, leaving us with two feedings a day 
except
with an additional middle-of-the-night feeding when he was last sick, 
for a
few nights, and sometimes only one on the weekends since there is no
'reuniting' nursing.
 
10. After the first year Kayli nursed once in the morning, once at 
noon
and/or naptime, once at about 5:00 pm and again at bedtime.  The 
cutting back
happened as nursing mom went back to work full-time and was less 
available,
plus Kayli was eating well andnot requiring so much.  By that time the
nursing became more of a nurturing time than a feeding time.  The 
times
listed above were typical, not scheduled.  If there were changes in
schedule or event, we went with the flow, and with her needs. As for 
her
emotional needs, we practiced the philosophy for the first year that 
the
baby's wants were the baby's needs.  She got held a lot and got lots 
of
attention, and by the time she passed her first birthday we felt we 
had a
pretty happy kid.  She has never used a pacifier - we couldn't get her
interested.
 
12. I almost always nurse Elizabeth before bed and in the early 
morning.
Otherwise it depends on what we're doing.  We nurse more during the 
day on
weekends. During the week I'm away during the day so she wakes up at 
night
and nurses.
 
13. Interestingly enough, if I pick him up at daycare, he no longer 
asks to
be breastfed, but if my husband picks him up and brings him home, he 
does.
If he's ill, or otherwise wakes in the middle of the night, he will 
sometimes
want to be breastfed, and sometimes, water will be enough (we keep a 
sipper
cup of water by the bedside).  I think at 1 year, I might have nursed 
him 5
times a day (at least, I remember pumping 2x a day at work + the 3 we 
still
maintain).
 
 
15. I put them on a regular schedule in a specific location (the 
location did
vary with the feeding time).  This helped to avoid embarrasments like 
having
the kid demand to nurse in a very public location, and lifting up my 
shirt
(which does happen).
 
16. Well, now, it's hard to remember; I went back to work when Leo was 
7
weeks old, though, so our schedule has always been pretty regular 
during
the week. On weekends it was kind of random.
 
17. I didn't consciously ever change my plan - just kept taking cues 
from the
child.
 
18. La Leche League philosophy is "Don't offer; don't refuse."  I 
think
that's a great approach, but I've often offered, because my full-time 
work
schedule means that there aren't that many opportunities to nurse, and 
I've
always worried that she could just happen to be uninterested for just 
a
couple of times and whoops! she'd be weaned without really intending 
it.  I
suspect, however, that my offers to nurse have satisfied *my* needs 
more
than her needs. :-) I'm sure that there would still be milk if she 
stopped
for even a couple of days and she could re-establish nursing if she 
wanted
to.
     After the first year, she nursed about 3 times/day - first thing 
in the
morning (about 5:30 a.m.!), when I returned from work (about 4:30) and 
before
bed (about 7).  On weekends we sometimes nursed in the morning or 
before her
nap.  A little after she started afternoon daycare (at 15 mos.), we 
gave up
the late afternoon nursing and went to 2X day.  In the last month 
we've
played around with this a bit - sometimes only one nursing, sometimes 
two or
three.
 
19. Once we began solids, nursings decreased.  We were somewhat on a 
schedule
since I worked outside the home.  When Kenneth turned one, I dropped 
the
final pumping at work.  About six weeks later, we dropped the morning
nursing. Now, we are down to just at bedtime.  Kenneth would prefer to 
drink
from a cup (which he has been doing since 6 months), it lets him drink 
faster
and then go on about his business.  Walking seems to be more important 
to him
than nursing.
 
20. Nolan is a voracious nurser--at 12 months, he still nurses 4-5 
times a
day (including middle of night nuzzling). It's often a matter of out-
of-
sight, out-of-mind; those days when he is around me all day, he wants 
to
nurse more often. Also, if he's feeling bad, very tired, or sick, my 
breasts
seem to be very soothing to him.
 
21. At 12 mo, Emily nursed 4X/day, cutting down to 3X around 15 mo, 
and twice
by about 18 mo.  She stayed at 2X (first thing in the am, last thing 
at
night) until shortly before she weaned.  She cut out the early am one 
first.
 
22. After the first year I continued to nurse several times a day, on 
a
semi-regular schedule (some nursings fixed, others variable).  We 
always
nursed first thing in the morning and first thing when I got back from 
work.
 
**********************************************************************
****
C. After the first year, did you nurse on demand, whenever the child
     requested, or only when you wanted to?
**********************************************************************
****
 
1. A combination really....if I wasn't keen, I used to distract, or 
leave
the room and go where I felt comfortable to nurse.  Many of my friends 
also
nursed toddlers, so it was easy.  I belonged to La Leche League, and 
it was
a wonderful support...lots of like-minded women who felt as I did ...
invaluable  :-)
 
2. It worked for us to have a few rules about when Morganne could 
nurse. She
was easily distracted when other people were around and I got tired of 
being
exposed, so we didn't nurse in public.  I'd either take her somewhere 
private
or ask her to wait until we were in the car, etc.  I also would finish
whatever I was doing before nursing. Morganne understood that we would 
get to
it.  I'm already starting to do the same things with Matisse.
     It's really helpful to have a code word for nursing.  Ours was 
"snuggle"
which Morganne shortened to "nuggle".  "Mama, I want to nuggle."
 
5. Only on demand and even then, sometimes I manage to postpone it or
distract her. I try to keep it to 2-3 feedings a day. When I want her 
to
nurse, she  usually doesn't want to and tells me!! She is also very
particular about which side she starts nursing....
 
6. Somewhere in between. When he requested I sometimes gave in and 
sometimes
not. And now we haven't settled yet into a new satisfying 
breastfeeding
routine, but I do refuse a lot of nursing demands the last days.
 
7. After the first year, I would delay if nursing was inconvenient. I 
made
a rule, no nursing in stores.  I encouraged the use of a code word for


both, for situations when postponement is either not reasonable or 
just not
working.  (It also makes discussion of postponement less 
embarrassing.)
Morgan's codeword is "doof", Dylan's (so far) is "Mommmma".  Dylan has 
a
habit of lifting my shirt also, I am working on that. It helps some to 
wear
my shirt tucked in when "Mommmmma" is not available.  He seems to be
catching on.
 
9. It was very important to me to make a rule of no nursing in public, 
so
if it was necessary, very rarely, I might go into someone's bedroom 
with
him while visiting, but otherwise only at home. He had lost the knack 
of
discreet nursing, and I couldn't stand to have him exposing me to 
strangers
or even friends. It was much harder to nurse in public than when he 
was
younger, but he had less need for a nursing, and adapted to this rule
easily.
     The first year was a significant cut-off for me. I think it is
ESSENTIAL to not allow the sort of clothes-tugging you describe, as 
otherwise
the annoyance and inconvenience are enough to make you want to wean. 
You have
rights, too, after all, and being embarrassed is not something you 
should
just ignore, as you may grow resentful. Resentment should not be 
dismissed
casually, because it is important in your subconscious even if you 
don't
allow it to come to the surface. Be sure to ask yourself what *you* 
want.
This may be to nurse until he's three or four--which is fine if that's 
what
*you* want, but not if you're just being a doormat to him. It is not 
good for
a child to learn to ignore the feelings of those closest to him, and 
being a
doormat is a bad thing to do for your child. You may need to teach him 
to
tell you that he wants to nurse in a less embarrassing way.
     I made a rule between four and 10 months of age to never nurse 
him at
night unless he was sick, because he has started sleeping through the 
night
at three months on his own, obviously did not need a nighttime 
nursing, and
was likely to wake up for it just because it's fun. His daddy had to 
comfort
him during the night in those months, and brought him to me to nurse 
only if
he really needed it, which was rare. I always had a rule, for the sake 
of my
nipples, of not nursing him if I'd nursed him less than two hours 
previously,
which forced us to find other ways to comfort him. This was extremely 
helpful
in the long run. Often nursing is not really what the baby needs, but 
since
it's his favorite thing, he'll accept it anyway instead of whatever it 
is he
needs. Longer periods between nursing meant he tanked up better when 
he did
nurse, so it was longer to the next feeding, which got us onto a 
pretty
regular schedule early on, with plenty of exceptions to the schedule 
when
needed.
 
10. As for nursing on demand, we've come to a place where there are 
some
restictions on when and where, yes.  She may only nurse in bed (like 
early
morning time) or when mom is sitting on the couch.  (Kayli has oftened 
used
that as a bargaining point if we're somewhere else, saying that "this 
is a
couch- Let me nurse".  During the regular typical day, she nurses only 
in the
morning and evening time, at bed time.  If we're home for naptime 
(like
weekends, she gets to nurse then, too.  There are times when she wants 
to
that are denied, but she handles it pretty well--tears, of course, but 
also
acceptance.
 
12. I nurse on demand, unless it's inconvenient.  It actually helped 
that
Elizabeth learned to say 'boob' (our mistake), luckily she uses
"mumma-mmumma" and gentle tugs at clothing in public.  It helped 
because I
know what she wants.  If we're shopping I can usually tell her, "We're
going to buy the groceries and go to the car and then we'll have (I 
whisper
in her ear) *boob*".  Or as happened last night at the home of some 
friends
when she crawled in my lap and said "boob-boob" I said, would you like 
a
cup of milk and a cuddle, and I cuddled her and gave her a sipper-cup 
with
milk and she was fine.  When I put her off like this though I try to 
talk
her through it and then I make sure to be available if she wants to 
nurse
the *minute* we get home.
 
13. We nursed on "demand" - sort of.  My son developed a fairly 
regular
schedule.  The only demand-time was when my son woke at night - my 
husband
and I tried ferberizing him (which worked!), but I would nurse him at 
night
when he was ill.  But then (I can't remember exactly when), there was 
a
stretch when he was sick, then well for a short time, then sick again, 
so I
nursed him at night for a while, which led to us starting a family bed 
(you
see, I got so sleepy nursing him in the middle of the night, I would 
just
leave him in our bed).  My husband got tired of picking our son out of 
his
crib, that he suggested that we just *start* him out there!  
Ferberizing a
baby sleeping in your *own* bed is impossible (to my mind), so that's 
when I
started offering him water, first.  Now, if he wakes at night, I offer 
him
water, first, then let him nurse.  Sometimes, he'll go back to sleep 
right
after drinking the water, sometimes, he wants *me* (and no water) and
sometimes a combination.  Now that he's turning 2, we're going to get 
him a
"big boy" bed; we'll see how that goes. During the day (when he's not 
in
daycare), if he asks, I tell him that he has to wait (until the next
"regular" time).  He accepts this, sometimes right away, sometimes 
after a
little while.
 
15. We adjusted the nursing schedule to the times the child normally 
wanted
to nurse.  This was sort of a cross between demand and scheduling.  
The
schedule did help things, I think.
 
16. I nursed him when he asked, with some exceptions (I would put him 
off
if it was inconvenient, more often as he got older.)
 
18. Our nursing has had to be fairly scheduled because I work outside 
the
home full-time - at the same time, because I'm away from home so much, 
I
haven't worried about nursing becoming overwhelming.  I watched a 
neighbor
and her three y.o. constantly struggle about nursing and I worried 
that that
would happen if I nursed my toddler, but my work schedule makes that
unlikely.  Around when my daughter turned two, I began to think about 
weaning
completely, and soon after we dropped the bedtime nursing and went to 
nursing
just once a day, in the early morning.  Instead of trying to drop that 
final
nursing, though, I've begun to offer to nurse in the "witching hour," 
late in
the day, before dinner, if she seems to really be having a hard time 
keeping
it together.  It's one of those things that makes me wonder who it is 
who
really wants to keep nursing!  At the same time, it does seem to me 
that she
really appreciates this nursing when she's having a tough day, so I 
continue
to offer sometimes, and sometimes she asks.
     One thing that has really worked for me has been to develop a 
regular
*place* for nursing - lying down on my bed.  I like this for a few 
reasons -
first, because it means that nursing in public just doesn't come up 
(and I'd
prefer not to nurse my toddler in public).  It's also helped to set up 
a
pattern where we *decide* to nurse - she asks or I ask, the other 
agrees, and
then we head to our bedroom.  She doesn't start tugging at my shirt 
when
we're sitting on the couch or wherever, and I really appreciate that.  
Plus,
I get to lie down when we nurse - always a nice break!  It's 
interesting to
me that the couple of times that I've broken this pattern, she's 
immediately
associated that place with nursing and has asked to nurse the next 
time we
were in that place - two examples are in the bathtub and on an 
airplane.  It
wasn't a big deal to turn her down at later times, but it made me 
realize how
much having *one* nursing place has helped nursing stay nursing and 
not an
all-purpose activity to start when bored or shy or hurt.  Hmmm - I say 
that,
but immediately realize that she does nurse when she's bored or shy or 
hurt.
I guess what I mean is that having to go to the bedroom means that she 
tends
to use nursing as a back-up solution, not as her first choice, and I 
think
that's appropriate for toddlers.
 
19. Pretty much we continued with our schedule, but sometimes he will 
request
nursing by pulling up my shirt and tugging at my bra.  If it is 
convenient
(we are home, not in the store), then I will let him nurse.  He 
usually only
wants to know he can, then he goes on about playing.
 
20. Now that Nolan's more communicative, he walks up to me, starts 
this
nervous whine, and pulls at my shirt (sometimes managing to lift it 
up) to
let me know what he wants, NOW.  I can see that in public, this 
behavior
might be embarrassing, especially for those who aren't fond of being 
exposed!
Sometimes he justs wants a nip, and then he's on his way; other times, 
he
goes strong for 10 minutes.  He's been eating solid foods since 4 
months, and
he pretty much feeds himself by now, eating a wide variety of foods 
with his
hands. He drinks juice and water, and occasionally a bottle of 
formula,
in between nursing sessions.
 
21. Well, I limited nursing in public.  I got stared at disapprovingly 
a
couple of times around the time Emily was a year, and I frankly got
self-conscious.  Emily almost always accepted that we would nurse 
"when we
got home" just fine.  After about 16 mo, she rarely asked in public 
unless
she was really tired.  Then, after she went to twice per day, she 
rarely
asked at other times, unless she was sick.  When Emily was sick it 
always
made me REALLY glad I was still nursing, since it was often the only 
food
she'd take, and it was very comforting to her.
 
22. After the first year I nursed on demand if the time was good for 
me.  It
depended on the circumstances.
 
**********************************************************************
****
D. When did you stop, and why?  Was it your initiative, or the 
child's?
     -If the child inititiated cutting back, how did this happen?
     -If you initiated weaning, how did you satisfy the child's
          emotional needs?
**********************************************************************
****
 
1. Well, The first two children weaned themselves at about 1 year...it 
was
easy...I probably wasn't feeding them as often as my last 2 girls.  
Sarah
(no 3) weaned, with encouragement when I was 4 months pregnant with 
Clare.
She didn't like the taste, and she was discouraged...she wanted the 
comfort,
but I found it very uncomfortable....so we solved it with Dad.  He 
used to
take her to bed, and cuddle her/...if she was with me she wanted to 
nurse,
and I found it difficult in the evening, as it used to go on a long 
time.  In
the daytime, I used to nurse, or distract her...the feeds were very 
short, so
that wasn't too bad. Clare weaned around 2.75....she just didn't seem 
to feel
the effort was worth it...preferred to go to bed with Dad than 
nurse..I was a
bit sad, but also ready for a change.  They  were both enjoyable years 
of
feeding.:-)   We met emotional needs with cuddling and closeness...it
certainly wasn't a traumatic experience...they both seemd ready at the 
time.
 
2. I weaned Morganne because I was pregnant with Matisse and 
threatening
miscarriage. Morganne was down to the bedtime and early morning 
nursings.
I told her why I had chosen to wean her and gave her lots of cuddles.  
Dad
took on the morning routine.  Morganne asked to nurse every night for 
ten
days.  I cheerfully changed the subject when she asked and told her 
lots of
stories about my childhood and asked her questions about her day.
 
     "Mama, I want to nuggle."
     "We're not nuggling anymore, honey.  What do you want to do at 
the
     park tomorrow?"
 
3. Dylan weaned himself, during a bout with chicken pox :-(.  The pox 
were in
his mouth, and so made suckling painful.  Since he was down to just
once-a-day nursing at that point, it wasn't a big deal for either of 
us.  As
for weaning, he initiated each dropped nursing.  I was most surprised 
when he
dropped his before-bedtime nursing, since everyone I knew cautioned me 
that
that would be the very *last* nursing he would drop voluntarily.  In 
fact, he
gave it up in order to get on with reading more stories.  Our routine 
was
always bath, nurse, read stories, and tuck in for the night.  At about 
14
months, he would suckle for a second or two and then point wildly for 
his
books.  After a few nights, I just stopped offering him my breast, and 
he
never missed it.  He did, however, continue with the morning nursing 
until
his bout with chicken pox.
 
4. Child # 1 - I weaned him, because I was 8 months pregnant, very 
tired, and
nursing was - not exactly painful, but irritating. This child did not 
suck
thumb, bottle, had no habits to satisfy him emotionally besides 
nursing, so I
guess he just had to get self-sufficient pretty fast. Child # 2 - was 
not a
good nurser, partly due the to fact that she was born sucking her 
thumb, and
partly due to the fact that I didn't pay enough attention to her 
and/or was
unable to get enough calm alone time with her. She did eat very well, 
and was
satisfied with her thumb. She weaned herself. Child # 3 - gosh, I 
can't
remember - I'm pretty sure he weaned himself - he was really anxious 
to be
one of the big kids. He gets a lot of attention from the other two.
     In order to wean my first, (the only one that was any trouble 
about it)
I did two things - whenever he wanted to nurse, I offered him some 
water or
juice, and I tried not to sit down. This meant strolling through the 
mall in
the middle of the winter while massively pregnant, but it did work.
 
6. We didn't stop, so I can't really answer this one. But I did kind 
of
'partial weaning' when I wanted to become pregnant again. Cees was 
about 10mo
at that time. I tried to stretch the time between nursings during the 
day by
offering him solids. This worked rather well, but then I didn't try to 
cut
back on the night time nursings. And when I was about 10 weeks 
pregnant,
nursing became rather painful and I again cut back on the number of 
nursings
during the day. When he wanted to nurse, I tried to distract him with
other food, or with some favorite game.
 
7. Haven't stopped yet, but I always offer reading, hugs, juice, 
whatever.
Often it is accepted.
 
9. Will clearly 'needs' nursing less as time goes on. A feeding gets 
annoying
for me because he is less committed to it and plays around a bit, is 
more
inclined to bite, and just generally doesn't do it 'right', in that
satisfying way that makes the milk flow fast. It's kind of convenient, 
in
that I am not unilaterally cutting him off, but actually responding to 
his
actions with my annoyance, when I delete a regular feeding time. We 
stopped
the lunchtime nursing (at my office) after his first birthday, and he 
never
seemed to miss it (but I missed him!) We stopped the bedtime nursing 
more
gradually, as I moved it a little bit earlier in the bedtime ritual at 
a
time, so that he gradually disassociated it from falling asleep. First 
I
added a sip of water after the last nursing of the day, then a 
toothbrushing
and a sip of water, then a drink of milk with sugar added (1/2 
teaspoon/4
ounces, to make it more like breastmilk in taste) consumed through a 
straw,
followed by the above. It was quite painless. The morning nursing is 
more
important to him, like coffee, but this morning it seemed he had less 
need of
it, so I suspect it may be next.
 
12. I think that it will be Elizabeth's initiative.  When our lives 
are
stable she is really only interested in the before bed and early 
morning
feedings.  When I come home for lunch she wants to play and show me 
what
she's been doing that day.  As she gets more verbal, she's more 
interested
in cuddling and "talking".
     When Elizabeth was approaching 1 y.o. I started thinking about 
weaning
her, mainly because of pressure from our pediatrician (who, while good 
in
other respects thinks that LLL is a 'bunch of sick feminists', we 
should
probably switch peds, but he has redeeming qualities and this *is* 
Texas,
I've learned to ignore his advice on this matter) and my parents and
aquaintances. Elizabeth had started wanting to play rather than nurse 
at
lunch and I thought I could manage things so that we proceeded as she 
was
ready. Then Elizabeth got an ear infection that lasted 5 weeks through 
4
different kinds of antibiotics.  She had diarrhea from the antibiotics 
(can
you say 17 poops in one day, and 15 the next) she was vomitting 
everything,
including tylenol including pedialyte, except breastmilk.  She lost 
3/4lb.
I firmly believe that if I had not been nursing her she would have 
gotten
severely dehydrated and ended up in the hospital.  As it was she was 
pretty
sick, but always managed to pee frequently enough to calm our fears,
Well, by the time E. was really healthy again we were back to square 
one
and she was 14 months old and could say "boob".  Then our live-in 
nanny
quit.  Then we hired the nanny from hell.  Then we fired the nanny 
from
hell.  Then we hired a really good nanny.  Then the really good nanny 
had
personal problems. Then the really good nanny came back. Then my 
husband
left for Alaska.  Then my husband came back. Then my husband left for
Alaska again... At some point during this period I realized that there 
was
no way I was going to try wean Elizabeth with all of this other stuff 
going
on.  I just think it would be too stressful and unfair for her.  When 
my
husband gets back and our lives are stable I think she'll wean without
trauma.  But my Dad and my ped were still giving me a guilt complex so 
I
talked to a friend who nursed all three of her children (her youngest
nursed until he was four)... She said,"Does Elizabeth still enjoy 
nursing?",
(Yes), "Do you still enjoy nursing?" (Yes) "Is Elizabeth eating a well
balanced diet and enough food otherwise?" (Yes) "So then what's the 
problem?"
 
13. I'm not sure, but I think that all the (recent) cutdowns in 
feedings
were initiated by me.  I wouldn't mind him weaning (at least, I can 
say
that, now!), so I've been "encouraging" him to miss his feedings.  I 
think
that the post-daycare feeding was eliminated (at least when I go to 
pick
him up) by a combination of distraction and postponement.  I started
telling him, "wait till we get home".  By the time we got home (or 
went
somewhere else on the way home), he would forget about it, since we 
were
doing other things.
 
15. With Tim, he was down to nursing twice a day.  I had to cut out 
the
morning feed because I was pregnant with Anna and got morning 
sickness, and
had a hard time with him lying across my stomach.  It also got a bit
draining.  We initiated the weaning, but it was a fairly gentle 
process --
no real conflicts or upset.  Anna weaned herself. Anna just stopped
climbing up and asking for milk at the times she normally would nurse.
There weren't really a lot of emotional needs.  What we did with Tim
was to tell him that moms make a certain amount of milk for each baby, 
and
that mom would not have milk for Tim for much longer.  We gave him a 
time
frame (1 week).  He really enjoyed his last nursings, but didn't seem 
to be
disturbed when things were no longer available (we have a very 
cuddlesome
family anyway, so it wasn't like he was cuddle deprived).  He had a 
few
tastes after Anna was born, but no real interest beyond that.
 
16. I have been following his lead, except that I haven't nursed him 
in
public for over a year now (when he asks, I just tell him to wait). I 
hug and
kiss him a lot if he is hurt; also, we have a family bed, so we have a 
lot of
snuggling time.
 
17. With both kids, they initiated cutting back by turning their heads 
away
from the breast and sometimes pushing it away.
 
18. We haven't stopped, but we have done lots of weaning.  All of our
weanings have been partly her interest, partly my interest, partly 
practical.
 
The earliest weanings were due to my being at work and not wanting to 
pump.
We've dropped a late afternoon nursing since then because she wasn't 
showing
much interest, it was hard to squeeze in with the daycare pick-up, and 
I
wanted the freedom to leave work a little later sometimes.  In the 
last month


or two, we've dropped the bedtime nursing because she bit me a couple 
of
times in a row and I saw that as a sign that she was no longer 
interested!
She asked to nurse at that time once or twice more in the next week or 
so,
but accepted my answer that "We're not going to nurse at bedtime 
anymore"
with barely a nod and hasn't asked again.
     As for emotional needs, I've tried to always remember the 
rationale for
toddler nursing - they may look and say they're "big kids," but they 
still
often feel quite little and need lots of special nurturance.  So I've 
tried
to be willing to provide the nurturing people often associate with 
babies,
like cuddling, snuggling on a rocking chair, singing lullabies, 
carrying her
in a sling while I do housework.  Most of the time she does act like a 
"big
kid" and *lots* of people comment on how independent she is (trained 
herself
to put on her jacket at about 18 months, toilet-trained herself before 
2,
insists on dressing and washing herself, gets food out of the 
refrigerator
herself, sets the table, puts on her seatbelt, etc. etc.)  But when 
she asks
to be picked up, I've tried to say "okay" (and not groan :-)) and not 
"You're
a big kid, you don't need to be picked up now."
 
19. Kenneth has been initiating cutting back.  First he will not nurse 
as
long or as contentedly.  He dropped his morning nursing because he 
wanted to
wiggle and get down.  I realized that all I was doing was fighting him 
to
get him to nurse.  After that, when he stopped nursing, I put it away.
 
21. I must say that I set the stage, I think, by mentioning from time 
to time
that when she was bigger she wouldn't nurse any more.  (I did this 
with the
potty, too)  But I never pushed it.  I also pointed out babies who 
were
nursing.  But the initiative was really Emily's entirely.  She very 
very
gradually cut down on her remaining 2 nursings over the course of a 
couple of
months.  She cut down on the length of them, then she began skipping 
the
morning one (this surprised me, I was sure this one would be the last 
to go)
and then stopped, except for about once/week, then she cut the evening 
one
the same way.  At the same time, she began drinking more cow's milk 
(she
pretty much hated it until about 20 mo), and started new bedtime 
practices on
her own, such as reading to her animals after we left her in her crib.  
This
amazed me.  I had always worried that I nursed her to sleep, and she 
would be
too dependent on it.  But she found other means herself.
     Emily so avidly loved nursing (She literally would say "I can't 
wait!"
with a big smile while I was lifting my blouse), that I really 
wondered if
she ever would wean!  The last couple of times she nursed about 1 
second/side
(no lie) -- I think she was just testing to make sure she could.  
After we
had gone on vacation, she asked again after a month.  I told her I 
didn't
think I had any more milk, and would she like some milk in a cup.  She
considered, then asked "could we take it from the cup and put it in 
your
breasts?"  She hasn't asked since.
 
22. I weaned both my children at 25 months.  In both cases it was my
initiative: I wanted my body back.  My daughter was a thumb-sucker and
hair-feeler, so she was able to satisfy her own emotional needs.  She 
was
fine about weaning -- never complained or asked for 'Mama' (our 
nursing
word).  My son had a harder time of it because he didn't have any 
comfort
habits.  I tried to give him a lot of cuddles, and let him nurse 
(though I
was dry) when he was sick or very upset about something.  I still let 
him
feel my breast through my shirt (he was an other-nipple-feeler as a 
nursing
baby) if I think he needs it.  At age 3 1/2 he is still interested in
touching my breasts, and sometime I wonder if I made a mistake weaning 
him as
early as I did my daughter.
 
**********************************************************************
****
E. About breastfeeding moms: When did your period return? How long
     were you able to go without feeding (eg on a trip away from
     the baby) without problems?
**********************************************************************
****
 
1. Mine returned after 9 or 10 months......I didn't leave them while I 
was
nursing, didn't need or want to.....although now I like to get out 
quite a
bit!!  :-)
 
2. I have a short umbilical cord.  I would leave Morganne for 6 - 7 
hours.
I didn't go away for the weekend or a vacation. My periods returned at 
6
and 11 weeks postpartum.  Essentially NO lactation amenhorrea for me.
 
3. I was really bummed here--my period returned at 4 or 5 months, and 
I was
exclusively breastfeeding then!  I had never been away from my son for 
more
than several hours at a time, so the second part of your question was 
never a
problem for me.
 
4. With all children, my period returned between 11 - 13 months. I was 
able
to leave the children overnight after about 13/14 months, although it 
was
hard for me to do emotionally. I let my first child really rule the 
roost -
it took us a while to figure out that a hefty 11 month old doesn't 
need to
nurse during the night, and so my husband took over getting him back 
to sleep
without nursing. With the other two, I pretty much stopped nursing 
them
during the night somewhen around 8 months (I don't remember very 
well).
 
5. My period returned when she was 8 months. I've never been away from 
the
baby (so far I've managed to bring baby along to every trip! It IS 
expensive,
but travel is much easier with her).
 
6. My period returned when Cees was 8.5mo. It wasn't regular yet. 
Second
period came 8 weeks there after, third period 6 weeks after that. I 
became
pregnant after that, so I don't know when it would have been regular 
again. I
think the longest time between nursings has been about 24 hours. I 
didn't
have problems with that (like overfull breasts or so), but then I was
pregnant so I'm not really representative. But I think that you could 
go a
few days without nursings and then continue the nursing relationship 
without
any problems. Cees didn't have problems to skip a nursing when I 
wasn't near,
but when I was available he wanted to have his regular nursings.
 
9. Mine returned at nine months--about two weeks after I posed that 
question
to the net. It seemed that asking was a sign, in itself. As far as 
trips are
concerned, my breasts can take it a lot longer than my emotions can. I
couldn't bear to travel without my baby! Fortunately I don't have to. 
If I
did, I could go a day or so, now, without a problem upon my return as 
far as
nursing is concerned, because an average of two feedings a day has 
allowed
the supply to drop considerably (it went up when he was sick, so my 
bras got
tight again).
 
10. Periods came back a few months after she turned two.  Nursing mom 
goes
out of town for 2-3 days at a time and now does fine with it.  The 
first time
it happened she came home in some discomfort and very happy to see the 
baby.
WHile she was gone Kayli did fine without it.  She would get up the 
first
morning and ask for momma Sue, cry when she realized she wasn't there 
and
then life went on.
 
11. Periods returned 16 mos (1st) and 27 mos (2nd).
 
12. It hasn't yet - horray! I haven't had a period since June of 1991! 
I was
really worried about this actually and consulted my OB/GYN who told me 
to
wait 3 months after completely stopping breastfeeding and if my period 
had
not returned after 3 months of no breastfeeding -- then I should call. 
He
also said that he thought there was no problem.  My friend who nursed 
all
three kids had her period back 6-12 weeks after the birth in all 
cases, so I
guess everyone's different.
     I have mild problems after 10 hours without nursing (hard and 
heavy,
she can clear that up overnight if I bring her to bed with us).  I 
have never
gone longer than 12 hours.
 
13. My period returned at 11.5 months post birth.  I sure didn't miss 
it!
I faithfully used birth control, however.  I took a week long business 
trip
when my son was 1y2m old.  I took a breast pump (the Medela Classic?) 
with
me and even with the time change, managed to pump a fair amount (and 
almost
at the "right" times).
 
15. My period returned in the seventh month postpartum for both.  This
varies widely from mom to mom, though.  I pumped when I was away from 
the
baby.  When Anna was 18 months old I had surgery with general 
anesthesioa,
and my family went on vacation right after I got out of the hospital 
(This
was not planned, and I did not appreciate the attitudes of an airline 
that
would not let us change the family's flight times because of my 
surgery).
She went 7 days without nursing, then resumed breastfeeding just fine 
once
I got down to Florida eventually (UGH for *that* plane flight).  I 
pumped
once a day.
 
16. My period returned after 4 months (sigh). When he was still 
nursing
regularly, I had to pump after about a day (although the first time I 
took
a trip which lasted overnight was when he was about 18 months). Since 
then
I have traveled more and more; up until he was a little over 2 I 
always had
to pump, although the interval got longer and longer - finally it was 
a few
days - but since then my production just seems to turn on & off. I 
have
been gone for as long as almost 4 weeks (just recently); he has never
decided to wean, and my milk always comes back. I have not felt 
engorged
for a year and a half now. This is quite surprising to me, by the way, 
and
I have no idea how typical it is!
 
17. With #1, my period returned at 11.5 months.  With #2, at 12.25 
months.
I have never been away from my kids over night.
 
18. At 3 months :-(!  It went away when she had ear infections and was 
waking
up at night for a few weeks, and then returned almost immediately and 
has
been here ever since.  There really isn't much predictability about 
this.  In
my La Leche League group there are women whose periods returned at 6 
weeks,
others whose periods didn't return until they completely stopped 
nursing,
sometimes for as long as 3 years.
     Dare I admit it?  I've never been on a trip away from my child!  
Well,
not overnight at least.  I'm getting ready to do it now, but I just 
wasn't
willing to earlier.  We have gone 24 hours without nursing quite often 
in the
last couple of months, and maybe 36 hours here and there. If I've felt 
even
slightly full, I expressed a little in the shower, because an early 
history
of breast infections makes me wary, but I doubt it was really 
necessary.  One
of the nice things about nursing a toddler is how carefree it becomes - 
no
more anxiety about schedules, dehydration, leaking breasts, etc.  I 
took an
evening class which meant I missed the bedtime nursing once a week and 
it was
fine.
 
19. My periods returned when Kenneth was 7 months old.  We have not 
gone away
without him yet.  I am currently going 24 hours between nursings, and 
am
not having any trouble.  But, we have been cutting out a feeding about 
every
2 months, so this was a slow progression.
 
20. No period yet (12 months post-partum). We have travelled a great 
deal
this year, but have taken Nolan with me on all my trips. Luckily, my 
husband
was able to join us most of the time, and my mother served as a backup 
sitter
when I was on business. Nolan thinks hotel rooms are great fun!
 
21. 5 months.  Didn't take trips, though, but went out for the evening
without problems.
 
22. (i) My period returned after about 9 months, even though I'd been 
working
at least half-time since 6 weeks postpartum.  With my second baby I 
had a
mini-period at about 3 months, at a time when he was in a low growth 
period
(my interpretation) and had cut down on his nursing.  When he got back 
to
normal I had no more periods.  (ii) I didn't go without feeding 
overnight
until the second year, and had no problems then.
 
**********************************************************************
****
F. In what ways do you feel that you and/or your child have benefitted
from long-term breastfeeding? Why would you encourage someone to 
continue
past the first year?
**********************************************************************
****
 
2. Well, to start with, Morganne gets the usual number of colds, but 
she's
never had a secondary infection (in her ears, in her eyes, in her 
sinuses or
in her chest).  I'm convinced that nursing for longer than 18 months 
really
helps prevent chronic ear infections.  Also, when Morganne did get 
sick, she
would often refuse all food and drink other than the breast.  If she'd 
been
weaned, that would have been very worrying for me.
     Breastfeeding also made the toddler year easier.  When we were 
both
cross, tired and hungry, we could sit down for a snuggle together. 
When she
was done, the world would seem like a calmer, friendlier place for 
both of
us.  This is kind of a tough question for me because I can't imagine 
what
would have happened if I'd weaned her before age 1.  I'd always 
planned on
nursing her for the first two years.  I did go through some anxiety 
around
age 1 where I thought "Maybe I should wean her".   I think this is 
because
people started rolling their eyes and asking "Are you still nursing 
that
child?" around age 1. Reading _Mothering the Nursing Toddler_ helped 
me get
through my doubts.
     I really enjoyed the 3.5 years of breastfeeding Morganne.  It 
felt
right, in keeping with my parenting style and very in tune with her 
needs.  I
think if I'd weaned her we would have been less close, rather than the 
bosom
buddies we were.  I also think we would have had more clashes; that 
she'd
have been fussier and I'd have been less patient.
 
3. Physically, my son benefitted from the antibodies that he still got 
from
me, though I'm not sure how much I can credit breastfeeding for the
incredibly healthy kid I've got (only minor colds, no ear infections 
yet).
Emotionally, the benefits have been tremendous: he was used to being 
held by
me and he still enjoys being cuddled and hugged.  We are very close
emotionally and while I am not sure that BF can again be credited with 
this,
since I believe I would have made every effort to encourage 
closeness/bonding
even without BF, it certainly contributed to the ease of bonding.  
Finally, I
think that by BF beyond the first year, there is a greater likelihood 
that my
son will remember the experience, and thus encourage it in his own 
circle of
friends later in life.  I tend not to proselytize, but if someone 
asked me if
she *should* continue BF past the first year, I would certainly give 
her all
the encouragement I could.  I guess I would point to the above 
benefits of
long-term BF in my conversation in order to encourage continued BF.
 
4. I don't have a real good answer for this. Breastfeeding the 
children
as long as I did just seemed like the right thing to do. I wasn't
particularly influenced by "society's" opinions - I never felt like 
people
expected me to give it up. It seemed as though the children continued 
to need
it - there wasn't an "off" switch that triggered at one year. Based on 
*my*
experience with *my* children (ie, Your Mileage May Vary), I was 
always
slightly stunned when told that an 8 or 9 month old child had 
voluntarily or
happily quit nursing.
 
5. My daughter does not use bottles or pacifiers. I don't see why 1 yo 
is
seen as a reasonable cut off point because they still need the sucking
comfort. I feel the bonding whenever I breastfeed. It is a special
relationship that I am in no hurry to sever. Benefits for me: special
relaxing, private time together; mental comfort in knowing that I'm 
providing
her some good nutrition since she doesn't like cow milk or formula; I 
also
work full time, so this closeness is a way of assuaging the guilt of 
not
being with her all the time... Benefits for child: special comfort 
when all
else fails....
 
6. I think it has a lot of emotional benefits. It gives the child a 
feeling
of security. It's so nice to see your child relaxing on the breast and 
it
makes it very easy to get him to sleep in the evening. (Now just 
mentioning
the word 'Bed' will get an immediate reaction of Cees: 'Bed! Breast!') 
Not
only convenient in the evening, but also when I was pregnant I could 
easily
get my much needed rest by lying down and nursing. Sometimes we both 
fell
asleep like this in the middle of the day.
     It's very cute when they are more conscious about nursing and 
they can
'tell' you that they want to nurse (first by pulling your shirt, later 
they
can even really tell you with words) And now he is more verbal it's so 
cute
when he talks about nursing. (When we are switching breasts, he is 
saying:
'Empty breast' (pointing to the one he already drank), 'More breast!'
(pointing to the next one.)) I'm already longing for the time he will 
be able
to tell why he likes nursing so much. (I don't think he will wean soon 
:-)
     It's good to know they have something to rely on when they become 
sick.
When Cees is really sick, he sometimes gots back to fulltime nursing 
and
refuses everything else. It's very convenient to be able to nurse 
after a
temper tantrum. It helps both of us to get back to normal. When Cees 
is
having a difficult time, nursing also will help him. I think he feels 
a
lot better after a nursing session.
     I really didn't plan nursing as long as I am doing now. It just
happened. When Cees was born I just tried to work out nursing and this 
is the
result. I sometimes think I'm still nursing because I'm just too lazy 
to go
for a parent led weaning :-)
 
7. It has definitely kept the kids healthier.  They seem to get less 
ill from
colds and flus they catch, and each has only had one ear infection in 
their
lives!  I think it also is good for their jaws, and because I have 
terribly
crowded teeth, that is an important consideration for me.
     The psychological effects are less tangible, but I feel that 
continued
breastfeeding has helped my kids feel more secure and confident.
 
11. My sons both seemed like such babies at 1 year that I could not 
imagine
weaning them then.  They were very emotionally dependent on nursing 
for
comfort and got quite a lot of thier nutrition from it also.  Nick, in
particular, ate very little until he was over 2.  I guess if I had 
withheld
the breast he might have started eating and using a cup in 
desperation, but
that seemed cruel and unneccessary.  Now, at 32 months, he eats fairly 
well,
but nursing is still his favorite source of comfort and a surefire way 
to
end a tantrum.  Which is great when it is convenient, but awful if we 
are,
for example, driving somewhere in a strange area where it would not be
practical to stop.  Allowing Ben to continue to nurse after Nick was 
born
gave him a way to get his babying needs met without regressing in 
other areas
like toiletting or development of outside social relationships.
     We used the 'don't offer, don't refuse (or at least not very 
often)'
approach starting at around 18 months for them both, and the continued
nursing was thier choice, indicating to me a real need to cling to 
babyhood
in this area while they made progress in others.
 
14. I think that Emily has benefitted by having a constant source of
affection and love from me.  She can count on me.  I know that if she 
were to
wean I would still give her love and affection, but this way I am 
almost
forced to (and I like to).
 
16. I think that breastfeeding has enabled my son and me to have a 
very close
and warm relationship, even though I work full time. Especially when 
he was
younger (but still older than a year), it provided a form of nurturing 
and
comfort that seems important to him, especially when he was feeling 
out of
sorts in one way or another. For example, he had some relatively minor
surgery just before his third birthday (for an undescended testicle), 
and
being able to nurse him after he woke from the anesthesia was a 
blessing.
Cuddling would not have had quite the same effect.
 
17. Health benefits are the main thing.  (No way can you convince 
someone
of the emotional benefits, if they haven't felt them by 1 year.)  
Researchers
are still discovering new health benefits for both mother and baby.  
It's


amazing.
 
18. Well, to paraphrase our pediatrician, I could tell you about all 
the
scientific reasons why breastfeeding is good (immunities and nutrition 
for
baby, health benefits to mother, etc.), but the real reason why I 
breastfeed
is because we were *meant* to breastfeed, this is God's plan for 
nourishing
babies and their mothers, physically and emotionally. (Seriously, he 
really
did say this - on our first consult when I asked him what he thought 
about
breastfeeding!)  I think toddlers get many of the same benefits that 
infants
get from nursing - immunities, nutrition, comfort, closeness with 
their
mother, security - and I don't think they suddenly lose their needs 
for all
of this when they reach some magical age of maturity.  Long-term
breastfeeding is really long-term weaning--it's simply a way of 
allowing our
young children to move from dependence to independence at their own 
pace,
rather than imposing an arbitrary cutoff.  I think my 2 y.o. daughter 
is able
to be very independent and happy in the world at large because she 
feels very
secure in her bond to me (and her father), and part of that bond comes 
from
nursing.  I decided to keep nursing past the first year when I looked 
at her
and saw how much she enjoyed it, looked at myself and saw how much I 
enjoyed
it, and couldn't figure out why on earth we should stop.
     You also asked about the benefits to me, and I want to add 
something
about this.  I work full-time outside of the home.  Nursing my 
daughter is
something only I can do, not her father nor her daycare providers, and 
she
loves it.  Nursing her really helps me to *feel* like a "good mother" 
(please
don't get me wrong - I really don't mean that nursing is an objective 
measure
of competent motherhood, I'm just talking about how it makes me feel).  
*I*
love the special closeness we share when we nurse and that closeness 
helps
*me* to deal with the time away from her. Right up until she was about 
18
months old, nursing was the first thing we did when I walked in the 
door from
work, it was the way I transitioned from my work mode to home mode and 
it was
the way we reconnected after the day's separation.  I'd particularly
encourage working mothers to consider extended nursing from this 
perspective
and note that, unlike nursing an infant, on a practical basis it's 
easy to
combine work and nursing a toddler.
 
20. Nolan has just turned one today, and I've been thinking a lot 
about
our wonderful year and the very special bond we have because of our
continued nursing.  He's a big, strong, healthy child--warm and 
loving,
affectionate and self-confident. I can't help but credit breastfeeding 
for
some of that! I think it's part of a very physical and loving 
relationship my
husband and I have with him. Nursing provides nutrition, health 
benefits, and
most importantly, emotional comfort and a sense of physical love and 
warmth
and attachment. As he explores his world and it gets wider and wider, 
he
knows he always has a safe base to return to.
 
22. I would hugely encourage anyone to continue past the first year. 
(i)
Nursing teaches babies that happiness comes from _people_, not 
objects.  I
believe it has helped me to be as close as I am to my kids.  (ii) I 
don't
know how I ever would have survived toddlerhood without nursing -- it 
was
like having two magic wands for calming my babies down when they got
overexcited or overtired.  (iii) As a full-time working-outside-the-
house
Mommy, long-term nursing was something I could do that my babysitter
couldn't.  I believe this special bond was something very important 
for my
kids and me -- that 'welcome home' nursing after a long day's work was 
the
ultimate reward.  Most of the other long-term nursing mothers I know 
also
worked outside the home.  (iv) Though this hasn't been scientifically 
studied
(are you listening, NIH?), long-term breastfeeding is supposed to 
reduce your
risk for breast cancer.  (v) Breastfeeding is so _easy_!  I can't 
imagine
attempting a plane trip with bottles, for crying out loud...
 
**********************************************************************
****
G. How has breastfeeding affected you (the mother) physically?
     (eg, side effects, weight gain or loss, increased or decreased
     appetite, energy level, sex drive, etc.)
**********************************************************************
****
 
2. Well, I've worn a G or H cup for the last five and a half years, 
does that
count?  This is definitely not a fringe benefit of nursing for me!  
I'll be
really glad when I can get back into my tiny D cup again.
     Most of the side effects of breastfeeding seemed to diminish 
around
10 months postpartum.  My libido had returned by then, my menstrual 
cycles
were well-established and I was getting enough sleep to function 
pretty well.
That's true this time, too.  My libido seems to return in a rush 
around 10
months postpartum; I start getting antsy to be doing more, etc.
     With Morganne, I had a hard time losing my extra "baby fat".  I'm 
doing
much better this time.  I'm already back in my normal clothes, 
although I
still have a few pounds to release.  I think this had more to do with
postpartum depression following Morganne's birth than it does with
breastfeeding per se.  Of course, there are shirts and dresses I 
haven't been
able to wear for the last 5.5 years because my bust is still too 
big....
     Since we're considering another child, it may be another 5 years 
before
my bust escapes the effects of lactation.... I've also found that 
nursing
makes breast self-examination more difficult.  Lactating breasts are 
firmer
and have more lumps and bumps than non-lactating breasts.  Mammograms 
are
also pretty useless on lactating breasts - they're too dense.
 
3. In the first six months at least, I had increased appetite, and 
lower
energy levels (partly due to not making time to exercise).  I was able 
to
shed the pregnancy pounds without dieting (in fact, I think I lost the 
weight
even as I was chowing down more calories). As for long-term 
breastfeeding,
once my appetite equilibrated, I had no problems maintaining my 
optimum
weight, but then, I believe I was hard-wired for leanness.  My sex 
drive was
not affected by BF, though it was severely affected by pregnancy and
delivery.  I still haven't regained the libido I had pre-pregnancy :-
(.  But,
I don't know how much of that can be attributed to hormonal 
differences, and
how much can be chalked up to being a parent :-0.
 
4. In spite of hoping that everything I read about weight loss and 
nursing
was true, I don't think I really lost any more weight while 
breastfeeding. I
experienced a very much lowered sex drive after the birth of my first 
child,
but I don't know if that can be attributed to nursing specifically. I 
really
enjoyed nursing -- it seems to be something wonderful you can do for 
your
child, and you don't have to worry about getting it "right" -- you 
just nurse
that baby! Some of the sweetest moments with my children were nursing.
 
5. Some increase in appetite esp. after menstruation. I'm more aware 
of
the need to eat nutritious meals; periods are shorter in duration 
(though not
in quantity); no effect on energy level or sex drive (having a child 
is
itself tiring and leaves you not much private time); some difficulty 
in
losing the last few pounds (correlated with increase in appetite 
during
certain times of the month). Not a big problem if I have more time to
exercise...
 
6. Side effects: I hate the overfull breasts of the first few weeks 
and the
leaking that occurs almost constantly. I'm always glad when this is 
over and
I can go without a bra again. (First at night, later even during 
daytime).
But this has long been solved when you continue to nurse after 1yo. 
After
this time you only have the advantages, not the disadvantages. My 
breasts
even were about the same size again as before pregnancy.
     Weight gain/loss: In my case it was weight loss. I was back on my
pre-pregnancy weight in about 3 months after my first pregnancy, but 
after
that I kept losing weight. By eating a lot more I was able to reverse 
this at
last, but I couldn't come back at my pre-pregnancy weight, I stayed 
less than
that. Now with the second I'm only 3 weeks postpartum, so we will have 
to see
how things will be going. But I already lost 2 kgs in the last 2 weeks 
and
I'm almost back at my pre-pregnancy weight. So it looks like things 
are going
the same as the first time.
     Increased/decreased appetite: With the first one I didn't really 
notice
a change, but this time I'm hungry almost all day. I keep eating and 
still am
losing weight (but then this time I'm tandem nursing, so that takes a 
lot of
extra calories I suppose).
     Energy level: I think nursing takes a lot of energy in the first 
months,
but it becomes better when solid foods are introduced. After 1 year 
it's my
experience it takes not so much energy any more, since the child is 
eating a
lot of other things. It may even boost your energy level when you are 
able to
get a bit of rest while your overactive toddler is nursing :-)
     Sex drive: I didn't really notice changes in that due to nursing. 
The
real problems were sleep deprivation and getting used to having your 
life
revolving around a baby. And the baby used to wake up when we were 
just
considering sex, let alone when we tried to have it :-) (built-in way 
to
discourage the conception of siblings?)
 
7. Well, I lost 40 pounds this time around, and am still losing 
weight.
That's been wonderful.  I happen to like the enhanced figure, also.  I
haven't had a period in a very long time; that's nice, too. On the 
down side,
I sometimes feel like I want my own body back. It's been 4 years now 
that
someone is always after my breasts, and that can get old.  On the 
other hand,
I enjoy nursing enough that I don't get those feelings very often.  I 
haven't
noticed any change in sex drive or energy level beyond what I expect 
from
just having two preschool kids to take care of.
 
11. I did not have any trouble losing my pregnancy weight either time 
(to
within 5 pounds effortlessly after 3 months and the last 5 as a result 
of
conscious but not too drastic effort at around 1 year), but that could 
be
due to lucky genes rather than breastfeeding.  My appetite is enormous 
(it is
a little embarrasing when I visit my husband's family because I eat 
three
helpings to thier one), so I guess the breastfeeding helps control my 
weight.
 
I did notice when each boy turned 1 and I stopped pumping that my 
weight
started to creep up, so I am afraid of what will happen when Nick 
finally
weans.  My breasts are a good bit larger than before.  No noticable 
changes
in other areas.
 
14. I took a year to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight (but did no
exercise, too lazy!) I have not gotten my period back at 12.5 months, 
I have
had a slight decrease in my sex drive but I think part of that is due 
to not
wanting to get pregnant again so soon, and not to the breastfeeding!
 
16. Well, I gained 60 lbs while pregnant and still have not lost it 
all, but
I don't think that has anything to do with nursing at this point. As 
far as
sex goes - when he was nursing a lot (mostly before he was 1) my drive 
seemed
to be pretty low, I suspect because any need I had for physical 
contact was
more than being satisfied. Now he only nurses occasionally and it's 
less of
an issue. We do have a family bed, though, which requires some, shall 
I say,
logistical adjustment in any case (whether he is nursing or not).
 
17. For me, once you're past 13 months, it's dramatically easier.  I'm
down to 2 nursings/day, and life is somewhat survivable.  The only 
affect I
still had/have from nursing was that the last 3 or 4 lbs. were/are 
still
hanging around.  They don't seem to go away until nursing is 
completely over.
 
(I'm nursing #2 these days, so we'll see if my theory really holds 
true!)
 
18. Nursing my child in her first year helped me to lose weight, 
increased
my appetite, was a big drain on my energy level, and didn't seem to 
have much
effect on my sex drive (but exhaustion did, and nursing was part of 
that) (on
the other hand, my husband found my 4 size breast increase rather 
attractive
:-) ).  But by the time she was a year old, we were only nursing 2-3
times/day, and all of these effects diminished significantly or went 
away
entirely.  Now my daughter's 2 years and a few months old and I'm 
still
losing weight, but very s-l-o-w-l-y, my breasts are only one size away 
from
their pre-pregnancy size, my appetite is back to pre-pregnancy levels, 
and I
no longer feel so tired (yeah!).
 
20. My appetite surged after I gave birth, and I was absolutely 
ravenous for
the first few months. I had to work really hard to make sure I had 
nutritious
food at arm's reach, since hunger would strike and I would have no 
energy to
cook at that point. This appetite has eased somewhat by now, but I 
still feel
that I have to be conscientious not to overeat, especially junk foods 
that
are easily accessible. I'm back at my pre-pregnancy weight, maybe a 
couple of
pounds over, but I would like to weigh less since I was overweight to 
begin
with, and I've been unable to go on a weight reduction diet while
breastfeeding. The problem is finding time and energy in this new 
parenting
lifestyle for exercise and such! The other side effect I've had which 
is
related to breastfeeding is called atopic vaginitis, related to low 
estrogen
levels (like in menopause). It presents an uncomfortably dry and 
sometimes
irritated vagina. It can be partially helped by applications of 
Replens-type
gels, but I understand it will not go away completely until after 
nursing
ceases. Of course, this affects not the libido, but the ability to 
have
comfortable intercourse :(. It forces you to be creative!
 
22. I had low estrogen for months during the first year -- lousy sex. 
I also
found it hard to lose those last ten pounds until I weaned my babies 
(25 mo.
each).  These drawbacks were more than made up for by the closeness, 
physical
thrill, and convenience of breastfeeding.
 
**********************************************************************
****
H. Anything else I left out?
**********************************************************************
****
 
1.  I feel it is very worthwhile, it makes the passage from babyhood 
to
childhood much easier....the children just carried on nursing, and I 
let
them....I was so glad I did.  I feel we had a calmer, more relaxed 
life
because of it.
 
2. Norma Jane Bumgarner's book _Mothering Your Nursing Toddler_ is a 
very
good reference for mothers who want to let their toddlers keep 
nursing.
 
3. If you really want to stick with breastfeeding, go for it.  Contact 
La
Leche League if you feel you need support for your decision.  My son 
weaned
himself well over a year ago, and I still sometimes miss breastfeeding 
him.
But, he's still a major cuddle bunny, so we snuggle a lot and the 
emotional
bond that we forged while nursing remains as strong as ever.
 
4. If you're concerned about nursing in public - I impressed upon my 
little
guys that nursing is something we do at home, and I was lucky in that 
they
believed me. I have had friends whose children practically tore off 
their
blouses in the grocery store, but I think you can nip that in the bud 
if
you make a habit of only nursing an older child at home, and 
explaining to
her/him that nursing is private. Your child will probably ask loudly 
about
nursing in front of a bunch of strangers at some point, but of course 
s/he is
going to ask about sex, poops, and lots of other embarassing things, 
too, so
go with the flow!
 
5. I enjoy breastfeeding my daughter. The sessions have gotten 
shorter;
sometimes she just does it for two minutes then off she plays... 
Things to
watch out for:
- don't make a habit of nursing her to sleep. Causes wrong sleep
  association.
- don't substitute nursing for comforting and personal attention; my
  daughter gets hugs and personal attention.
- don't nurse before feeding solids/drinks. Sometimes they ask when
  they are thirsty or hungry...
 
6. It's very satisfying to nurse an older child. I really like the 
mornings,
when he awakens next to me (we have a family bed), and he tells me 
with a
sleepy voice that he wants to nurse. It's so cute. And it is very easy 
when
he is very difficult, I can always plug in a breast and he will be 
quiet for
some time. It also helps us to manage this kind of difficult times, 
since he
is always very contented after a nursing session.
 
7. Does any La Leche League group in your area have toddler meetings? 
I have
found the support helpful to my sanity.
 
10. The one thing you didn't ask about that we have run into is other 
peoples
attitudes about how long you "should" be nursing. World-wide the mean 
age for
termination of nursing is like 4.5 yrs.  That's much longer than what 
we see
here in the USA, so there's lots of pressure to quit early, but we 
believe
that Kayli should nurse until it just stops more or less by itself.  
The
worst people have been our parents, mothers in particular.  They 
thought we
should have stopped as soon as she was eating solids.  We've done a 
lot of
reading and believe that we are doing the right thing, and have slowly
discovered a handfull of people who share our beliefs.  You gotta tuff 
it
out, sometimes.
 
12. Elizabeth is my first and really enjoys nursing.  And I must say I 
do
too!  It is relaxing and makes her so cuddly and happy and relaxed.
Especially now that she's running everywhere and getting into so much
mischief, and with trying to start disciplining her and doing timeouts 
I
find that nursing and cuddling lets us both unwind and reestablish the
parent-child bond.  And when my husband is in town we make it part of 
her
bedtime ritual (I know this is a no-no but it's so nice) He reads us a
story while I nurse Elizabeth to sleep and the three of us feel so 
close.
     My friend with the three children nursed the first until she got
pregnant with the second (15 months), then the flavor of her milk 
changed
(?) and the first weaned himself right away.  The second was never 
much
into nursing and weaned at 9 months.  The third weaned at 4 years old.
 
15. I *loved* nursing and miss it very much.
 
18. Probably the most commonly mentioned advice from mothers of 
nursing
toddlers is to develop a family word for nursing.  It's a lot easier 
to
have a discussion in front of disapproving relatives or out in public
about "nunu" or "nummies" than about nursing or breasts.  (BTW, if
anyone does give you flack about it, I like to point out that the 
World
Health Organization recommends that all children be nursed until 
they're
two years old because the immunities continue to be effective until
then.)
 
19. I find that most of the time I am trying to keep Kenneth nursing 
past
when he is ready to give up a feeding.  The hard part seems to be 
trying to
wean mom from the baby for us :).
 
22. My children loved nursing so much that I never believe people's 
claims
that their babies were 'self-weaning'.  Long-term nursing is the best 
for
moms and kids!
 
######################################################################
######
APPENDIX A: NURSING LOG AND SUMMARY from Laura Dolson 
<dolson@crl.ucsd.edu>
 
 
**********************************************************************
****
This is a nursing log from birth-->2.  Skim down if you're only 
interested in
a certain age.
 
 
Well, Emily officially weaned herself 2 months ago, at 27 mo.  As 
there
were many times during her nursing years that I wished I could have
talked to others, particularly after one year, I thought I would post
this log.
 
Emily Dolson - born 3/19/91 Nursing Log
 
-The first three days - very frustrating for both of us.  Emily wasn't
really interested in nursing at all!  The nurses at the hospital were
quite concerned, and kept trying to get me to try again, which just
made me more upset.  We went home from the hospital in the morning
(Emily was born at 4:45 the pm before), and I really didn't feel like


we knew what we were doing at all.  My aerolas (aerioli?) are large,
and Emily kept slipping back to the end of my nipple.
 
Day 4 - My milk comes in - suddenly Emily says "hey, hey, this is what
I've been waiting for!", and gets avidly interested.  Still has 
trouble
staying latched on properly, and my nipples are getting quite sore.  
Partly
I think this is made worse by my being fair-skinned - my nipples never 
did
darken up during pregnancy and are still pink.  I call lactation 
consultants,
friends, read everything I can get my hands on.
 
Two weeks - Nipples still sore, despite trying everything.  Lanolin 
seems to
help the most.  I am practically in tears when Emily first latches on.
The good news: Emily has regained her birthweight plus 3 oz, and is 
now
6 lbs 14.  It seems as though she is nursing all the time - Emily is a
long, slow, frequent nurser.
 
Six weeks - finally nipples start to get better - until an attack of 
thrush
hits us.  Now they are on fire - a different painful sensation!  Emily
nurses every 2 hours during the day, and every 3 (occasionally 4) at 
night.
 
2 months - Nipples feel fine now.  Emily has started to do "mega-
nursing"
in the evening, though - it seems she wants to nurse pretty much non-
stop
from 5 pm on.  BUT, in compensation, she begins lengthening out the 
time
she sleeps at night - 5 hours, 6 hours, now 7.  At ten weeks, she 
sleeps
through the night, then gradually decreases her evening nursing.  She 
was
tanking up for the night, apparently!
Weight at 2 mo: 11 pounds!  That's over 4 lbs in 6 weeks!
 
3 months - Growth spurt causes nonstop feeding for a few days, 
otherwise
still every 2 hours during the day, sleeping 8-9 hours at night.  
Pumping
is much easier now that she's sleeping through the night.  I pump 
every
morning before she wakes up with my little 2nd hand Gerber pump.
 
4 months - 15 lb 8 oz The child has gone from 25th percentile for
height and weight to 95th for height and 75th for weight!  Still 
nursing
every 2 hours, but will go a little longer if I'm not around.
 
5 months - Emily is showing an avid interest in solids, ie swiping
rice from our plates, slurping curry juice off of our plates.  The
ped said we could wait till 6 mo, but Emily is insisting!  She wolfed
down the rice cereal.  Within 24 hours, her bowel movements got
smelly and I must have ovulated!
 
6 months - Solids progressing well.  Emily seems to like everything
so far, except Mountain High brand yogurt.  19 lbs.  By now, she
pretty much has substitued 1 solid feeding/day for nursing and
we're working on #2.
 
8.5 months - Emily refuses to be fed solids - will only self feed.
Still loves to nurse - pulls on my shirt to give cue.
 
9 months - Nursing 4 times per day, Solids 3X/day.
 
12 month - Most babies in play group have weaned by now, only 3 of
us still nursing.  Emily shows no signs of abating!  The MD says
that the typical times for babies to wean themselves are th 8-10
mo range, and when they come out of the separation anxiety phase
at 14-16 mo.  He says if she's still nursing at 18 mo, chances are
I will have to wean her myself.
 
15 mo - Nurse at Emily's appointment is VERY surprised to hear I am
still nursing.  MD is supportive.  Says his wife nursed until 20 mo.
But says that he thinks women who nurse beyond 2 years have "a
separation problem".  Emily is now nursing 3 times/day - first
thing in the morning, at nap, at night.  Smiles broadly when I
lift up my shirt! Getting better at accepting that we don't nurse
in public, though - we are starting to get stares, and I'm
uncomfortable.
 
16 mo - Emily adds the word "nurse" to her vocabulary.  I am shocked -
I never call it that with her, but she has figured out the word -
and she uses it!  Occasionally I offer her cow's milk, and her
typical reaction is to take a sip, fix me in a death stare, and,
never breaking eye contact, drop the cup on the floor!
 
18 mo - MD again says the stuff about separation.  But adds that I
might as well wait a few months to wean her so that she can under-
stand "you're a big girl" etc.
 
21 mo.  She is down to twice a day, but NO signs of self-weaning.
I write to misc.kids for support and hear from lots of moms whose
toddlers weaned themselves around 26-32 mo.  I am cheered by this,
and decide to keep going, since Emily likes it so much, and I am
basically lazy and enjoy the time.  Why would I want to start running
around when I can sit down and nurse Emily for half an hour when we
first get up?
 
25 mo - Emily is cutting down on the time per nursing, and 
occasionally
skipping one.  Really liking cow's milk now.
 
26 mo - Rarely asks for a morning nursing.  Evening ones shorter.
I offer a cup of milk, which she sometimes takes (she does both).
 
By 27 mo, Emily has pretty much stopped.  She asked for a few token
nursings after that, usually after she hears me telling someone
that she weaned!  Her last 2 or 3 nursings were literally less than
1 SECOND per side - obviously, she didn't get anything.  Oddly, when
we came back from our vacation, and she hadn't asked in a month, she
asked to nurse.  I told her I didn't think I had any milk left, and
would she like a cup of milk.  She asked "Can we take the milk from
the cup and put it in your breasts?"
 
I feel so good that the whole thing was a pleasant experience for
both of us and that Emily was able to go at her own rate.
 
I don't really miss it at all, and feel "complete" with the 
experience,
though I did feel a little nostalgic, which prompted me to construct
this.
 
Laura Dolson
Mom to Emily, 29 mo, weaned, potty trained, and recently moved into
her "big girl bed".  Now I AM feeling sentimental - sniff!
 
**********************************************************************
****
 
This is a file in response to a question I asked when Emily was 20-21
mo. old.  My pediatrician had told me that moms who nurse after 2 yrs
have a "separation problem".  I wanted support for continuing, 
basically,
but also wanted advice on weaning a toddler.
___________________________
 
You write:
>My daughteris soon to be 22 mo old, and I am still nursing her 
twice/day.
 
Good for you.
 
>I, too, ran into social pressure to wean Emily.  I will discuss the 
reasons
>I didn't in a minute, but the way I coped with social pressure at 
that time
>was to relate what our pediatrician had said.  (First of all, he's 
very
>pro-choice about nursing that is working for both baby and mother, up 
to
>the age of 2, at which time he feels that if a baby is still nursing, 
than
>the mother has a problem with separation.)
 
Sounds like the doctor is bending to social pressure here.
 
>BUT, now I REALLY feel the pressure to wean soon, as Emily is 
approaching
>2.  And, as you have gathered, we are still fine with it.  The time 
she
>really seems to want to nurse the most is when she first wakes up.  
She
>really doesn't seem to think her day can begin until she's nursed.
 
Like some adults and their cup of coffee??
 
>She also nurses before she goes to bed, which is nice because it gets 
her
>all sleepy and she goes down really easily after that, although she 
goes
>down pretty well when I'm not there, too (no bottle).  I must admit 
that
>part of the reason I keep nursing is pure laziness.
 
Okay by me!
 
>It's nice to get to relax a few minutes before rushing into the day, 
and at
>night I usually sing to her and read net news when nursing (I have 
perfected
>this art). Also, when Emily is sick (thankfully not often, but we 
just had a
>bout last weekend), she will ask to nurse during the day, and is so
>comforted by it.  In fact, when she couldn't keep anything else down, 
she
>did OK with breast milk.
 
You are still producing antibodies, so you're probably helping her get
well faster, too.
 
>Also, she still isn't a big (cow's) milk drinker, although she 
doesn't throw
>it to the floor in disgust as she used to.
 
>So, I have 2 dilemmas:  when to wean, and how to wean a toddler.  I 
can't
>gather all my breasts up and throw them away, as people have been 
saying
>they do with bottles and pacifiers!  Any suggestions?  And any 
thoughts
>on how I can tell if I have a "separation problem"?
 
I don't think you have a "separation problem".  The world 
breastfeeding
average is 4.2 years.  Get the book _Mothering Your Nursing Toddler_. 
It
discusses ways to "gently wean", and how to deal with people who 
disagree
with you about nursing a toddler.
 
________________________
 
Well, I'm still nursing my daughter at 2 1/2 and expect we'll do so 
for a
couple more months yet.  Her older sister was an avid long-term nurser 
also.
I find it amazing that people still believe that nursing can be good 
for a
child one day and bad the next!  There is simply no evidence for your
pediatrician's opinion.  I've known children that have never nursed 
and
children who nursed until they were 4 or 5 and I can tell no 
difference in
their relationships with their mothers or their mother's mental health 
(if
anything the long term moms are more self-assured and worry LESS about 
their
kids!) I firmly believe that the time to wean is when one of you, baby 
or mom
is ready.  I don't believe that a child can be forced to nurse against 
her
will and and I also don't think there's any benefit to a child in 
being
nursed by a reluctant mom (which is where we are at right now;-) )  
Trust
yourself--you'll know when it's time to quit.
------------------
 
Basically--my vision of nursing sounds a lot like yours and I would 
encourage
you to trust your intuition rather than your doctor's.  I'm not sure 
why
doctors worry about excessive mother/baby closeness, but unless this 
seems to
resonate for you, I would simply stop talking about nursing with the 
doctor
if it bothers her or him)). I've always thought the research 
suggesting that
the firmer the attachment and the more the child receives what she (or 
he)
needs in terms of nurturance, the more independent she'll eventually 
be and
the less she needs to waste her resources in protecting herself and 
seeking
closeness.
 
My 2nd who nursed until 2 1/2 was in full time daycare from 10 months 
on and
in parttime earlier and was always--as she still is--very obviously 
well
developed. I did, after about 1 1/2 years, by which time she was only 
nursing
twice a day, stop nursing her in public or discussing nursing with 
most
people, since many people prefer that toddlers not be nursed.
 
It's basically a private matter between the two of you. In my opinion 
you
should definitely go on nursing as long as both you and your child 
like it.
I think you will probably hear from a number of people on this--but if 
you
don't and want more info. you should definitely contact La Leche in 
your
area.
 
I weaned my 1st child at about 13/14 months and my 2d at around 2 1/2 
years.
I weaned my second later because she liked sucking more. In general 
nursing
during the day is inconvenient, especially if one works but nursing 
evening
and especially morning is not. I went down to twice a day even with 
the 2d ca
10 months or a year and went down to once a day--am only ca 1 1/2 or 2 
years.
Once I was down to once or twice a day I found I could be away 
ovenight or
even for a couple days without much problem--pumping once a day is no 
big
deal in most situations and we simply resumed nursing when I returned.
My experience suggests that it may be preferable to cut the evening 
feeding
before the morning--which is the opposite of what I did with my 1st, 
because
this insures that your child can develop a non milk based bedtime 
routine a
while before you go cold turkey.
 
Good luck doing what works for you--a fellow mother.
 
---------------------------------
 
I don't know about a pediatrician who makes blanket statements of the 
kind
that yours did.  Simply put, I don't believe that there is necessarily 
a
problem with a toddler still nursing.  And, I certainly can't believe 
that
any mother who continues to nurse her toddler past 24 months has a 
problem
with separation!  Why is 2 years so magical for giving up a host of 
things?
I see this as a problem with our society, of rushing kids to grow up 
and in
turn, rushing the parents of those kids to give up their child's 
childhood.
Perhaps you could ask your pediatrician what motivates him to make 
such a
blanket statement about nursing past 24 months. Citations would seem 
to be in
order at the very least.  Otherwise, it seems to be purely speculative
opinion on his part.
 
Finally (as if you couldn't tell), I am in favor of child-led weaning 
so long
as both mother and child are in sync with nursing. If *you* no longer 
find it
satisfying, then I would think it's time to wean gradually.  Clearly, 
since
Emily loves her morning nursing session, that would be the last one to 
be
dropped.  Anyway, I'm sure La Leche League would have some helpful 
hints on
weaning toddlers.
 
------------------------------
 
My mother nursed me till I was 3! I don't think my mother (or I) have  
any
separation anxiety or is any worse for wear. On what basis does your 
doctor
sets the limit at 2yo anyway? Doctors don't always know best. You know 
best
what your relationship is with your daughter. In *my opinion, you have 
a
problem IF nursing is the ONLY way you can comfort her. Twice a day 
means
she's not really dependent on you for the milk, or the comfort. She 
may
continue out of habit, although some children need more comforting 
than
others. does your daughter have any loveys? I think 2yr is a tough age 
still.
3 is much better for weaning.
 
When to wean: it is your choice. When you want your breasts back :). I 
think
its ok to nurse a 4yo if you and the 4yo want to. I don't think the 
4yo will
want to, however :). The two feeding sessions you mentioned are the 
hardest
to wean 'cos there's really no substitute activities...
 
How to wean: well, several ways. Use delaying technique; when she asks 
to
nurse, say in 5 minutes (use timer?); but in the meantime, how about a
snuggle and a book. At night, change her bedtime routine. Maybe start 
her
with reading, then some water, and say she's a "big girl now", etc. 
Prepare
her beforehand, choose a deadline. Maybe after her second birthday 
party;
keep a calendar, and mark X's till the "growing ceremony", and keep 
telling
her that each time you mark the X and/or nurse. After that wear a 
regular bra
that is not convenient for her to nurse.  Give her a substitute. 
Instead of
nursing, you'll do X with her; X is whatever you think will calm her 
down at
night or make her day in the morning.
 
Regarding social pressures to wean, besides your husband, you don't 
have to
tell others you're still nursing, do you?
-------------------------------
My older son nursed until he turned 4.  I had cut him back to once a 
day at
about age 3, but it was still so important to him that I didn't have 
the
heart to stop him completely.  I finally started dropping hints about 
'big
boys dont nurse", and told him when he was 4 he wouldn't either.  We 
went on
vacation the week of his birthday and he didn't ask the whole time, 
but as
soon as he got home he wanted to again.  And I said no, you are a big 
4 year
old now.  I felt kind of bad cutting him off like that, even though he 
took
it fairly well, so a few weeks later when he asked to nurse I agreed 
to a
ceremonial  last nrsing. which was very nice for all of us.  And now 
he
mentions occasionally that he is a weaned boy, and doesn't nurse like 
his
baby does. The reason he went on so long was that he has a younger 
brother,
2years4mo younger.  He was almost weaned around the time he turned 2, 
by
himself, but when the baby came he started up again The baby is just 
turned 2
and still nursing morning, bedtime and after school.  He shows no 
signs of
wanting to wean.
 
I guess the point of this is, people do nurse thier babies past age 2.  
Some
babies seem to need it.  An excellent discussion of the topic is 
"mothering
your nursing toddler" by norma jean bumgardner, available from most La 
Leche
League groups.  It discusses nursing and weaning the older child.  If 
you
want support for continued nursing, I suggest you get in touch with La 
Leche
League.  They have chapters all over the country, and are devoted 
exclusively
to this purpose.
 
------------------------------
 
This may not be what you want to hear either, but my son is still 
nursing at
age 3! He sounds like his habits are similar to your daughter's - 
mostly he
nurses in the morning and at night. I'm starting to wonder how I'm 
going to
wean him, too! (Incidentally, I've been working full time since he was 
7
weeks old; I started traveling without him when he was 18 months. I've 
been
gone for as long as 11 days, when he was 2.5, and he started nursing 
again
when I got home! I'm leaving on Sunday for 3 weeks - we'll see what 
happens
then!) Anyway, your's doctor's statement sounds a bit strange to me - 
what is
it that suddenly happens when the child turns 2 that makes continued 
nursing
all your "fault"? I've also read that, worldwide, the average age of 
weaning
is 4.2 years :-( so if your doctor is right there are a lot of mothers 
out
there with separation problems!
 
-----------------------------------
 
A friend of mine successfully weaned her 18-month old by telling him 
"All
gone!" when he asked to nurse.  As for when to wean, every book I've 
ever
read suggests that as long as both mom and baby are happy 
breastfeeding, you
should continue.  I suppose you want to wean before your child goes to
kindergarten, though!
 
-------------------------
 
I actually ended up weaning my daughter (partly in response to 
pressure from
others and partially because she was wanting to nurse 3-4 times during 
the
night) at about 19 months, so I haven't actually had your exact 
experience,
but in hindsight I would say that nursing a 2 year old who gets as 
many
benefits as your daughter seems to is a great idea.  I intend to let 
my next
baby nurse as long as she/he wants to.  Your doctor's comments about 
mothers
having a separation problem are a new twist to me.  But it seems like 
it
would be easy to find out if you have such a problem or not.  Are 
there other
adults that are special to her and that she enjoys spending time with?  
Do
you work or have other activities for yourself outside the home and 
apart
from her?  It sounds like you do, since you mentioned her going to 
sleep
when you're gone.  In my opinion, you both seem to be benefitting from
nursing, and there are no apparent negative factors at this point.  
I'd say
go for it!
___________________________
 
I never intended to nurse my son past one year, but we both enjoyed 
it.  We
nursed until after he turned 2.  Then we stopped because I am pregnant 
again
and sore.  He still misses nursing and so do I.  I don't think your 
doctor is
very well-informed when he says that nursing past 2 indicates that you 
have a
separation problem.  In many cultures it is common to nurse to age 4.
Comfort nursing provides such a special bond.  I'd say don't give it 
up just
to avoid some label from some heavy-handed doctor.  The decision on 
when to
stop really should be up to you and your daughter.  It is nobody 
else's
business.
 
-----------------------------
 
What I did to wean my son (at age 2 years, 3 months) was to tell him 
that
Mommies made milk for babies, and at some point mommies finished 
making all
the milk they would make for a baby.  After that, mommies weren't 
available
for nursing.  Soon thereafter, my milk "went away", and he didn't 
nurse any
more.  We replaced nursing time with special cuddle time (I don't like 
to get
up quickly either) and everything went fine.
 
Now I get to do the same thing with my daughter soon (2 years, 1 
month).  I
think she is just drifting away from nursing though -- she nurses at 
most
once a day, and only for a minute or two.  So she may be easier.
 
-----------------------------
######################################################################
#######
APPENDIX B: ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS COMPILED BY ELIZABETH GENE (9/93)
               <eliz@bae.bellcore.com>
 
**********************************************************************
*******


I. Do you have any experience with nursing while pregnant or tandem 
nursing?
Is it really feasible? How did you manage to nurse two (or more!) 
children at
a time? What kind of schedule was the older child on? Any advice for 
someone
considering it?
**********************************************************************
*******
Heather Madrone <madrone@cruzio.santa-cruz.ca.us>:
 
I nursed my 3.5 year old for the first four months of my pregnancy, 
but I
weaned her because I was threatening miscarriage.  Frankly, I didn't 
enjoy
nursing when pregnant.  I'd get this creepy-crawly sensation and feel 
antsy
and impatient.  If I had a very young child, I would try to nurse 
through a
pregnancy if it caused no problems.
 
This seems to be very individual.  I know a few people who have tandem 
nursed
and their older babies have been young (11 - 18 mos). My advice would 
be
"follow your heart".
______________________________________________________________________
______
Bonita Kale <bf455@cleveland.Freenet.Edu>:
 
When I got pregnant with my third, I made my second (age 2 1/2) stop
nursing, just because I felt so rotten.  So I haven't really done it.
______________________________________________________________________
_______
Carolyn Olive  <olive@esmlsun.gatech.edu>:
 
I became pregnant with Nick when Ben was 19 months old and still 
nursing
many times a day.  Ben tapered off gradually, and by his second 
birthday
he was down to 3 or 4 nursings a week.  There was no milk, and he did 
it
just for comfort, for a minute or two at a time.  Milk started 
returning
about a month before Nick was born, and Ben stepped up to daily 
nursings.
I never had any pain or difficulty nursing while pregnant.
   When Nick was born, and the milk really came in, (and the sibling 
rivalry
with it)  Ben started increasing his nursing demands.  By the time 
Nick was
2 weeks old, Ben (then 28 months old) wanted to nurse every time Nick 
did,
and sometimes in between.  We even went through a brief phase where 
Nick
slept through the night and Ben woke up to nurse.  I finally decided 
this
was too much and gave Ben bottles of milk at night instead.  I never 
had any
supply problems, but after a few months I started to feel resentful of 
the
constant demands on me.  I gradually cut Ben's nursing back to 3 times 
a
day, morning, after school and bed time.  When Ben was 3.5, I told him 
he
could nurse once a day, and left the choice of time up to him.  When 
Ben was
4, I told him he was too big to nurse anymore and we stopped.
   Throughout this time Nick nursed on demand.  Ben usually nursed at 
the
same time, one on each side.  It was incredibly cute to see them both
nursing away and looking into each others faces and stroking each 
others
heads. (Although sometimes they would be jockeying for the best 
position
and hitting and we would have to stop).  Ben would always get as close 
as
he could when Nick nursed, even if he wasn't nursing himself.  He 
still
does, as a matter of fact.
  I think the tandem nursing helped to create a special bond between 
them.
They get along quite well.  It certainly helped me to meet Ben's 
emotional
needs once Nick was born, although things might have been easier if 
Ben
had weaned himself before Nick came.  I had thought the problems of
resentment I had when Ben kept nursing past 2.5 and 3 were due to the
tandem nursing, but now that Nick is 32 months old and still nursing 5-
6
times a day (and screaming for nonny whenever he gets upset as his 
main
form of tantrumizing)  I have the same feelings that this has gone on 
long
enough and we need to start cutting back.  So I guess the problems I 
had
were more due to my impatience with the duration of nursing than to 
the
tandem part.  I guess my main advice would be
 1: be prepared for the older child to regress to an infant's 
schedule,
 2: be prepared for mixed feeling on your part.
The book "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" by Norma Jane Bumgardner has
a chapter on tandem nursing that covers the pros AND cons pretty well.
______________________________________________________________________
_____
Karen Plomp <karen@ankh-morpork.hacktic.nl>:
 
Cees was 1yo when I became pregnant again. He still was enjoying the 
nursing
sessions, so I just let him decide whether to wean or not. He didn't 
wean, so
I nursed him my whole pregnancy. The biggest problem were the sore 
nipples I
got from about 10 weeks pregnant till the end. That was the reason I 
tried to
restrict his nursings to one when awakening and one when he went to 
sleep
(for naps and for nighttime). One of the advantages was that I always 
could
go to bed with him in the middle of the day and nurse him, and we 
would both
blissfully fall asleep. So I could get some rest.
 
I think nursing during pregnancy didn't differ much from nursing when 
not
pregnant (only the sore nipples :-( The supply was much less, but Cees 
didn't
mind. I think he enjoys the feeling nursing gives him and the special 
time
with mommy, whether there is milk coming or not. But he was very happy 
to
have the real milk back when Tim was born.
 
Tim is only 4 weeks old, so we are still trying to settle into a new
arrangement. I tried once to put them both at one time to the breast, 
but
that was not a success. I couldn't get Tim to latch on again when he 
loosed
the nipple, since I used that arm to hold Cees. But I think it will go 
better
when Tim is somewhat older.
 
Cees (22mo) is now nursing when he awakens at about 6:00am (and then 
goes to
sleep again) and at about 8:00am. Then some time during the day 
(around
2:00pm) and when he is going to sleep (about 7:00pm). But we are still
working things out, since he would like to nurse more often. Since Tim 
was
born he also sometimes awakens for a nighttime nursing, but luckily 
that has
happened not too often.
 
Most of the time Cees is not having problems seeing Tim nursing, but
sometimes he will come and whine: 'Cees bed. Cees breast. Tim breast 
not.' I
then tell him he will also be allowed to nurse when we are going to 
bed, but
he has to wait for that since first we are going to [....] (eat, shop, 
...)
And sometimes during the night he will have problems waiting for Tim 
to
finish. Not always. I hope he will get used to the waiting soon, 
otherwise it
will be solved when I am able to nurse them both at one time.
 
When I was pregnant I talked a lot about the new baby to him. I also 
kept
telling him that the new baby also would get mommy's breast. I think 
this
helped him accept the situation better. When he first saw his new 
brother he
already told me that Tim should get the breast. So it wasn't useless 
to tell
it to him for a thousand times :-)
 
**********************************************************************
*******
II. Did you use a code word for nursing? If so, what was it and who 
started
using it first, you or the child? At what age? If not, did you wish 
you did?
**********************************************************************
*******
 
Michelle Mauldin  <mak@fuzine.mt.cs.cmu.edu>:
 
Hi. I can answer your second question about the code word for nursing. 
I
nursed my now nearly 6 year old for 3 years.  I'm now nursing a 14 
month old.
(both boys) With the older, we came to call nursing either "nursies" 
or as #1
called it: "nursie milks".  Both of those were fine with me. With #2 I 
call
it "nursies".  He doesn't verbally request.  He just smiles and grabs 
at me.
When he talks, I won't discourage the use of nursies.   If we're in 
public
and he wants to nurse, I just say, as with the older: "Not now ----
(insert
name).  We'll nurse when we get home."
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Mary J. Cole <mjcole@arco.com>:
 
Yes, we used 'boob'.  As in would you like a boobie?  Some boobie 
would
be pretty good right now!  In retrospect we wish we had chosen our  
codeword
more carefully.  Elizabeth started using it at ~11.5 months. I've been 
glad
that we have a word that was easy for her to pronounce. It made it 
easy for
her to learn it; her first words were in order dada, mumma, boob, 
kitty.  It
makes it easier that we know what she wants exactly, I just wish we'd 
thought
about it more carefully and used a more discreet word.
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Heather Madrone <madrone@cruzio.santa-cruz.ca.us>:
 
With Morganne, we used the code word "snuggle", which came out 
"nuggle".  She
would also ask for "other side", even for the first side!  It was 
pretty
funny to have her finish up one side and cheerfully say "Nuggle - 
other
side!".  I initiated the code word sometime in the early part of the 
second
year, since I strongly suspected we might be nursing for quite a 
while.
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Bonita Kale <bf455@cleveland.Freenet.Edu>:
 
Kind of.  We called it "milk".  Worked very well.  When the kid's in
the supermarket asking for milk, and you're telling him/her to wait 
till you
get home, no one looks twice. I think it was very necessary.  I knew a 
woman
who used "suck" and wished she hadn't.  Another kid learned "titty" 
from his
dad, embarrassing his mom no end in public.  One friend had a kid who 
called
nursing, "drinkaback", which at least is private! I don't know what 
age they
learned to say "milk"; it came along with Mama and Dada and cheese and 
cookie
and that kind of thing. All this was many years ago; my youngest is 15 
now.
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Suzanne Jacobs <sj@palm.com>:
 
Never used a code word, and never felt the need.  But, both my kids 
weaned/
are weaning (I think) at 18.5 months, so they didn't really talk that 
much.
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Audrey Ishizaki <aud@ncd.com>:
 
My son does use a "codeword" for nursing: "muh".  I suspect that it's
derived from "milk", which my husband tried to get Dale to say.  I 
then
encouraged the word "muh" (because, as I told my husband, milk comes 
from
the carton in the refrigerator!).  I'm not sure how old Dale was when 
he
started using it - my guess is around 16-18 months (his first words 
were
about 15 months).  My son started using "muh" and I picked it up from 
him.
 
It's not very embarassing a word - when he's crying, it simply sounds 
like
he's crying for his "maa".  In fact, I have to listen for the 
difference
between his cry for "muh" and his crying for "Maaama"
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sue Willis <willis@sscvx1.ssc.gov>:
 
We call it "mommy milk", basically by accident - we found a need to
distinguish between "mommy milk" and "refrigerator milk", and the name
stuck...
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Carolyn Olive  <olive@esmlsun.gatech.edu>:
 
We did (and still do) use a code word.  It is 'nonny'.  My older son 
Ben
made it up when he was starting to talk, at around 18 months.  I had
been calling it 'nursie' or just 'nursing' and I guess that is what it
sounded like to him.  When Nick came along we tandem nursed, and 
'nonny'
is the word he heard all his life, so that is what he called it too.
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Karen Plomp <karen@ankh-morpork.hacktic.nl>:
 
No, Cees is now 22mo and I am not having problems with not using
one. When he wants to nurse he comes to me and says: 'Cees breast'.
 
######################################################################
######
APPENDIX C: QUESTIONS COMPILED BY MARILYN WALKER 10/93
               <mwalker@taimyr.colorado.edu>
 
Date:    04 Oct 93 20:34:52 +0000
From:    mwalker@taimyr.colorado.edu (Marilyn Walker)
Subject: Nursing an older baby: summary
 
Hi folks.  A while back I posted 2 questions about nursing an "older"
(now 11 months) baby:
 
(1) Had anyone pumped milk past the first birthday, or have any 
information
about the benefits of doing so?
 
(2) How could I deal with my olympic freestyle nurser?
 
I got (as usual, because this is such a great group of people) lots of
helpful posts and mail.  Several of you asked me to summarize, so I am
posting the mail messages that I got.  Many many thanks to all of you 
who
posted or wrote.  I am still pumping and have decided to keep it up at 
least
until some time in the 2nd year, and the gymnastics have slowed down 
some.
Who knows what will happen next?  I have ordered a copy of "Mothering 
Your
Nursing Toddler" because several of you recommended it. And I was glad 
to
see, from both the posts and letters, that I was able to give some of 
you a
good giggle from my description of my talented little gymnast.
 
Marilyn Walker
 
***********************************************
 
I have to agree with the others who said the gymnastics *don't* show 
he wants
to wean. After all, he's keeping latched on! If he wanted to wean, 
he'd be on
the other side of the room...  :-)
 
***********************************************
 
        To answer your question about the nursing baby olympics, after
three kids, all of whom did this, I assume it's normal.  My personal 
favorite
is when the child whips his/her head around to look over his/her 
shoulder
without bothering to let go of Mom first.  I always yelled "Ouch" if 
one
of them did something that hurt, which probably scarred them for life 
(:-) ),
but they learned to be more careful.  I think you're right to give 
Daniel
negative feedback, either by scolding him a little or stopping 
nursing, and
I agree with letting him start up again if he's still interested. My
experience is that just stopping for a moment is enough to get the 
point
across.
         Sometimes I tried holding the child very closely in order to 
prevent
her from standing up in my lap or rolling over while nursing, but that 
didn't
teach them not to do it.
         I found I had to give up on public nursing at about that 
point,
because in addition to the acrobatics, the kids were starting to ask 
loudly
to nurse or pull up my shirt or pull away every time something 
interesting
came by. I limited nursing to non-public areas and gave them bottles
otherwise.
        My kids gradually stopped doing the acrobatics as they got 
older
(after about one year of age).  I didn't interpret the acrobatics as a 
sign
of weaning.  I think it's more a sign of a baby that wants to do 
everything
at once.
 
***********************************************
 
I don't have any first hand experience with this, although I am hoping 
to
continue nursing Helene past 1 year. I was reading "Mothering Your 
Nursing
Toddler" last night, and it had something about this, so I would think 
it is
very common. They said that it was not necessarily a sign that the 
child was
ready to wean (but would you have expected them to say anything else? 
:-)
 
***********************************************
 
I continued pumping past 1 year with boh my kids.  I work full time, 
and so
pumped twice-a-day.  I would know when to cut back on pumping, when 
the
babysitter/my husband would tell me that the baby was beginning to 
refuse
the bottle.
     I think all kids begin to twist and turn when they nurse.  I 
think it is
a sign of beginning to wean.  I didn't recognize it at first, but it 
became
more obvious as time wore on.
 
***********************************************
 
A friend of mine kept pumping until her baby was 16 months or so 
because the
child hated cow's milk. She and I were sharing a pump in my office. I 
was
wishing she'd hurry up and quit because I didn't really need the pump
myself--I saw Will for lunch every day and was really bad about 
remembering
to pump for morning/afternoon snacks. Eventually Ariel learned to 
drink
cow's milk, mixed with gradually decreasing proportions of mommy-milk.
 
I believe that nursing must take place in a boring bedroom after the 
child
reaches a certain age. Discretion is simply not a comprehensible topic 
to a
baby. It's as though they're saying "Look, world! This is my 
absolutely
favorite thing! Aren't you jealous?" On the bright side, this saves 
you from
having the kid start trying to undress you in public when they get 
hungry, if
nursing is something you only do at home or in somebody's borrowed 
bedroom.
 
***********************************************
 
I pumped until my son was about 21 months old, at which time he 
stopped
taking bottles at daycare (he used to drink them right before 
naptime). I
tried to pump at the times we would otherwise nurse, though towards 
the end,
I would pump so little at one time, I would pump twice a day to fill 
the one
bottle.  I was really prepared to stop pumping at a year, but my son 
turned
out to be very allergic to milk.  We tried a combination of soy milks/
formulas added to the pumped breastmilk (i had let my supply decline, 
in
anticipation of stopping pumping).  Pumping regularly did bring my 
supply
back up.  From 12 months to 21 months, my son dropped 3-4 daytime 
feedings
and 1 nighttime feeding (at 2 years, my son now only nurses at bedtime 
and
waking and whenever I'm home, before naptime). The last nursing we 
dropped
(was just recently) was on coming home from daycare.  I was afraid of
stopping pumping (would I have enough supply on weekends if I stopped 
on
weekdays?).  But it turned out not to be a problem.  One of my friends 
told
me that your body knows to have milk on weekends, even if you don't 
nurse at
that time on weekdays.  WEll, either that's true, or my son is simply 
nursing
for comfort (and getting a tiny amount of milk, too).
 
re: freestyle nursing: my son does this somewhat -- I keep turning him 
back
the way it's comfortable for me, mindful that he, too, may be in an
uncomfortable position.  One behavior that's sort of funny, is that 
he'll
sometimes bring a book with him to nurse.  I think he picked that up 
from me,
since I tend to read while nursing.  I have drawn the line at big 
books, so
he has started bringing the little books (3"x3") or medium sized books
(6"x6"?) and he'll flip thru the pages.
 
PS (you know, the really amazing thing is that I *never* realized that 
I
would be nursing this long - I recall when I was pregnant, that I 
thought I
would be lucky to make it six months.  And to think, here I am at 2 
years...)
***********************************************
 
Lynn was doing this at 15-18 months, so I weaned. (Lynn was into 
jumping on
the bed and nursing at the same time.  Sigh.) But I didn't have to, 
people
tell me that if you are consistent about taking him off the instant he 
starts
to play, he will eventually stop doing it.
 
***********************************************
 
You might want to ask your doctor about the pumped milk vs whole milk
question.  I don't know anything about the vitamin content of the 
two,, and
suspect that would be a major consideration.  I'm amazed that you want 
to
continue pumping.  I HATED pumping.  I pumped until Jordan was six 
months
old, obsessed about how much milk we had in the freezer, freaked out 
if I was
out on the weekend and dean ahd to defrost milk,etc.  I was horrible.  
I was
so glad to give up pumping--I rationalized it to myself at six months, 
since
he was starting to eat other foods, etc., it wouldn't hurt him to get 
formula
three days a week.  I'm totally impressed by you!
 
***********************************************
 
Marilyn, I can assure you that breastmilk will still be beneficial to 
Daniel
after age 1.  The World Health Organization (WHO) now recommends that 
babies
receive breastmilk for at least the first two years of life and that
introduction of cow's milk be delayed until age 2. The only reason I 
can
think of to switch him to cow's milk is if you're tired of pumping.  
If you
want to, you can wean him while you're working and then nurse him when 
you're
together.  If you're happy to keep pumping, I don't see why you should 
stop.
 
I have a breastpump rented to a firefighter with a 17 month old 
daughter.
She still pumps during her work days (she's on for 72 hours in a row 
and then
off for several days).
 
re: nursing gymnastics: Welcome to toddlerhood.  It sounds like you're 
doing


the right thing. I warn the child that she's hurting me, and tell her
that
I'll end the nursing if she continues to hurt me.  Morganne was pretty 
civil
again by about 18 months.  Matisse and I are working on pinching right 
now.
Moms aren't required to be punching bags.
 
"Be gentle with Mama.  I'm the only Mama you've got."
 
Sometime in the second half of the first year, I stop nursing in 
public
except for in secluded places.  Toddlers are too distractable. Also, 
toddlers
don't need to be demand fed and can start understanding "when we get 
to the
car", "in a few minutes" and "when we get home". I started talking to
Morganne about acceptable places for nursing when she was about 9 
months and
she and I had pretty much come to an agreement by 18 months. If Daniel 
has
been a squirmy nurser in public, you can tell him that you only want 
to nurse
in private, or at home, or in the car, or in the bedroom at Grandma's.
Distraction is usually pretty easy in public.
 
"Mama, I want to nuggle" (our code word)
 
"When we get to the car.  Do you want to go look at Grandma's fish
right now?"
 
Good luck!  I found Norma Jane Bumgarner's book _Mothering Your 
Nursing
Toddler_ to be very helpful when Morganne was around Daniel's age.
***********************************************
 
I stopped pumping at 1 year, so no help there. However, I did have two
olympic nursers.  No, it wasn't really a sign of weaning, for me, but 
it did
make life interesting.
 
***********************************************
 
I'm responding to question 2, since I didn't provide pumped milk past 
age 1
(although I think it is great that you're going too.  I was tired of 
the
hassle and Liana was okay on regular milk). I don't think your baby 
wants to
wean -- he's just active.  Liana went through this stage too, and I 
also
wondered whether she was starting to wean.  She was so busy during the 
day
(trying to keep up with big sister) that she didn't have time to 
nurse.
She'd make up for it night usually :(.  She seems to have learned now 
that
nursing time is for nursing, not playing (although Mom sometimes 
violates
this rule by tickling).
 
One of the best benefits of older baby nursing is that it turns a 
screaming
toddler into a happy toddler in 5 seconds or less.
 
AMEN!
 
[END OF FAQ]

                                                                                                       
